The Look in Your Eyes
by Woman-Like Girl
Summary: One day Kaoru acts strangely at the Host Club. Suddenly Hikaru notices that the acts are a little too real, that Kaoru's look and smile never change, how does he know if it is an act or reality? Will he discover why Kaoru is so sad? HxK
1. Losing Control

**Author's Note:**

Hello everyone! It has been so long since I have posted anything anywhere, I know, and for that I apologize. I put this story under the 'complete' category, for it seems as it has ended, and I truly forgot where I was going with it. If I eventually remember its original plot, I will put it back on 'In Progress' and continue it.

I have started writing – I know, unbelievable- and reviewing all my fanfics again, I hope to post something new soon, but for now I am going to post this chapter, which I rewrote – nothing too different, just trying to make it look better and less horribly written lol.

Hope you like it!

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bisco Hatori.

Ps.: WTH is going on with ? Why can't I divide my story properly? God dang it!

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Kaoru sat on the usual chair he always sat on in the Host Club. He waited for his brother to follow suit and sit beside him, but apparently whatever he was talking to Haruhi about was more interesting… _more important_.

So he watched as Hikaru sat beside the girl and forgot about the princesses completely. The ones that were booked for them right now were already there, and, apparently, Kaoru would have to lead the show alone.

He looked down and sighed; this is the way it would be from now on. From now on, there would be no more Hikaru and Kaoru would have to cope with that. And, if he really wanted to face the facts, he needed to admit that it wasn't 'from now on'. He had seen Hiakru fall slowly, but steadily in love with the tomboy Haruhi.

Kaoru was already fighting his urge to cry, feebly attempting to smile, when suddenly one of the princesses asked a question that ruined what was left of his self-control.

"Kaoru-kun…Does it hurt to know that…that Hikaru may like Haruhi?" She asked a bit hesitant; her eyes showed pity for the broken redhead in front of her.

Kaoru looked up straight into her eyes - mouth open, eyes wide. Tears gathered and he tried, he really did try, to keep them there. But they fell regardless of his pathetic attempt of controlling his emotions. If one of the princesses noticed - it was obvious, it was true. Hikaru was in love with Fujioka Haruhi.

The truth hit Kaoru and all he could do was look elsewhere, somewhere that didn't show pity or sorrow, somewhere safe. But there was no such place…he would never be able to hide himself from the question of which the answer he knew all too well. Not wanting to face reality didn't mean it wasn't waiting for him to just open his eyes and accept it.

"It is the worst pain anyone could ever feel." he said without lying, without pretending. His voice sounded hoarse and low, the effort of talking without choking on the knot on his throat proving to be too much for Kaoru to bear.

It had not been long since he had found out that he loved his brother in the way they pretended. It took one look that Hikaru did not see, one not synchronized moment that broke Kaoru's heart.

_It took losing him._

And from the first time she told them apart Kaoru's feelings became a blur, unclear to himself - until the day when Hikaru went out on that date.

That day, he awoke with a feeling he never felt before: jealousy. Even though he was happy to know his brother was finally able to live his life without depending on him, Kaoru realized just how forbidden his feelings for Hikaru were.

Hikaru's happiness had always come before his own, that he knew. In that day, however, he realized that the reasons for that had changed

Day by day his feelings grew stronger, sleeping in the same bed became a bigger torture, and pain was eating Kaoru from the inside. The pain in his heart made his breath come in quick pants and the tears in his eyes burned like acid. It made him want to stop breathing… stop living, or disappear for that matter, so he would never feel such pain again: the pain of being left behind - the pain of unrequited love.

Tears fell from his eyes without his consent and as he tried his best to contain them, he swore he would never lose control in public again, but here he was making a fool out of himself with his brother only meters away.

"Oh Kaoru, I am so sorry! I didn't mean for you to get so upset." The princess got up and sat near him in Hikaru's place. She offered him a tissue, which he refused. "Kaoru, it is okay, we understand: you can cry." At that moment, he noticed all princesses suddenly had gotten up and were around him with concern in their eyes.

"Let it out Kaoru: it's not good for you to keep it all inside," one of them said, as if she had the slightest clue of what it was like to be him now. As if she knew he wasn't lying anymore.

"I can't, if I do then I will never… I will never smile again," he whispered with the little voice he still possessed.

They all let out "awws" and their usual girlish squeals, because for them this was just another act. But for Kaoru this was the unbearable reality.

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Hikaru was happily talking with Haruhi about commoner things. He never heard of a microwave and was really interested and curious about its purpose, maybe he would buy one after class and experiment with it at home.

Her princesses were yet to arrive so they had time. Well, she had time and he didn't, but he didn't really bother checking if the girls had already arrived or not - at least not until he heard a bunch of girlish squeals, not until Haruhi looked questioningly at the direction of where Kaoru was.

That is when he realized his princesses had been there for a while, and not only that, they were standing in a circle around Kaoru, completely blocking his brother from view. This started to worry Hikaru: what if they were attacking him? What could possibly make them all just pounce on his twin? Moreover, he was also sorry for leaving Kaoru alone, though he thought his brother should have just called him over.

He stood up and walked in the direction of where they were. He was not the only one who noticed the girls' unusual behavior. Kyouya had also stood up and was watching closely. All the other hosts and girls just watched with great anticipation, waiting for Hikaru's reaction.

"What's going on?" he asked and all the girls returned to their seats. They had doubled their sales that week and they were attending about six to nine girls per day.

They all avoided looking at him in the eye and the ones that weren't avoiding him were looking concernedly at Kaoru.

Hikaru sat on the chair beside his brother and looked at him. At first he was shocked. Kaoru's eyes were shut tight, his hands were closed into fists wrinkling his uniform, tears were shining at the corner of his eyes, and his face was glistening as well because of the tears that apparently had fallen from his eyes. Hikaru was used to the tears on the corners of his eyes, but he had never, ever, seen his brother _truly_ cry at the Host Club.

Hikaru was worried, but he assumed, and truly hoped, this was just an improvement to their act, so he played along.

Putting one of his hands around Kaoru's waist and pushing him closer, he held Kaoru's chin, his brother seeming reluctant to even turn and look at him. When he finally opened his eyes amber orbs seemed to run from his stare, fixing themselves on a random spot on the ceiling or on the floor.

"Kaoru, look at me…" he said and his brother finally directed his gaze to his twin. "What's wrong? What happened?" He asked, real concern on his eyes. Kaoru smiled softly, ever so gently and replied with a sweet and low voice.

"I just miss you." he said simply, leaving Hikaru at a loss for words, for he had no idea what that meant exactly. They had not practiced that line, but being a very good actor he would reply in the best way he could.

He pulled Kaoru closer, as a sigh escaped his brother's parted lips.

"But I am right here Kaoru, I have always been." Kaoru took a deep breath and closed his eyes, a small tear slipping from them at the movement. Hikaru wondered how he managed to cry without putting eye drops in his eyes like he had always done.

"I just wish you could continue to be by my side." Hikaru was now pretty confused. This was beyond unusual. By now Kaoru should have just said a "Hikaru" in his cute uke whisper, but he was pushing this subject and Hikaru was rendered clueless of what to do.

"What are you talking about? I will always be by your side!" he said, not faking so much anymore. Kaoru just sighed.

"I know you will… until the day you find a way to live without me that is." Kaoru said and Hikaru found himself even more confused if that was even possible. The princesses were tearing up and some of them were actually crying, but he didn't care about them right now.

"I can never live without Kaoru, _never_." he said and for the first time, he hugged his brother on the Host Club. They always held each other, but never hugged: it made it impossible for the princesses to see both of their reactions. Still, since Kaoru seemed to be improvising, there was nothing to be done but go with it and hope everything was alright.

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Kaoru sighed and closed his eyes, enjoying the comfort of Hikaru's arms wrapped around his waist, enjoying the feel of Hikaru's breath on the crook of his neck, of everything that was Hikaru.

"_Hikaru_…" he whispered and heard the girlish squeals the princesses let out; he also heard a few thumps from the ones that had fainted. He knew that this had been the most romantic and sweet "performance" they had ever made. If only they knew Kaoru wasn't faking at all.

The rest of the act was normal, as per usual. Kaoru knew he had said and done too much; he had lost control and for that he would not forgive himself. Thank God his brother was blind and didn't notice a thing. He just went along and assumed that was part of the act and that Kaoru decided to change things a little.

Finally, after three long hours, the last girl left and they could go home. But Kyouya stopped them before they could reach the door.

"Congratulations. This was the best sale you ever made, and it also doubled your number of costumers. Keep it up." He said, and the twins turned, ready to leave. "I am not finished." They stopped, eyebrows rising in wonder as to what else Kyoya had to say after such a good day.

Steel grey eyes found amber ones and Kaoru suppressed a shiver. Kyoya _knew_. The Shadow King knew everything. He waited for the harsh words that were sure to be spoken, but was surprised when his eyes softened and he simply said,

"Don't over exert yourself next time, Kaoru. If you haven't practiced your act, come talk to me. Your numbers have been steadily growing, _I will understand_ if you eventually need a day off." He stated in a gentle voice, his unwavering stare filled with meaning. Kaoru simply nodded, a small smile gracing his features. Hikaru looked from to the other, completely confused.

The young twin turned to – finally- leave, having long ago given up on waiting for his older brother, knowing he would be more than glad to accompany Haruhi home.

"Hey Kaoru, wait up! Where did you come up with that act today?" Hikaru asked, and Kaoru turned to answer, his heart warming at the sight of his puzzled brother. If only he knew.

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Kaoru smiled at him. And then it was when he saw – Kaoru's smile and expression were the same now as it was during their act: that same sweet expression, the one he always displayed in the Host Club. Shouldn't he be back to normal now? The Host Club had ended for the day after all.

"I just thought it would be a nice change. Kyouya was happy." But Hikaru barely listened to what Kaoru said. Something was wrong with his smile, something was wrong with him. If their act was just an act, and everything was just for show… then why was Kaoru looking at him the same way he did during their act?

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**Author's Note:** Well, that is it! Some vocabulary changes, some small things adapted. Hopefully it is better than it was before. Hopefully you have liked it!


	2. Live like This

**A/N:**

**TazChan****: Eu ainda acho q nao saiu tao bom qto devia TT... O hikaru nao perceberia um olhar...ou um sorriso...ai eu nao sei fazer isso...pelo menos essa fic eh um começo...;-;...Review pleaseee!!!**

**Aoi : It's continued!!! Please continue to read and review 3**

**RavenToriBlack****: I m glad you think it's awesome...it's my first hikaxkao without mary sues, Kaoru leaving, Kaoru dying or Kaoru getting sick...so I hope it works loool. Please continue to read and review!!**

**wickedlady 101****: It was beautifully written?? Really????shining eyes I am so happy /o/!!! Please continue to read and review and I hope you continue to like as well!!**

**Haru-Hatori-Hiro****: You think I write the best twin angst??? Thank you thank you thank you!!! You made my day DDDD...please continue to read and review!!!**

**A special thanks to Haru-Hatori-Hiro as well for following my twincest fics 3!!!**

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**Live like This**

Kaoru supported himself on the wall beside him. He rests his head and smiled. His brother was chatting with Haruhi a small faint smile on his cheeks, his eyes glowing. He looked so happy, so in love. She looked happy too; that was a good sign. It meant that maybe Hikaru had a chance to be with her.

And even though that hurt Kaoru, he had never seen his brother smile like that, look at anyone like that. Not even him – at least not that he remembered. He was happy that his brother, his twin, his object of the deepest love, was happy.

It made Kaoru smile to know that Hikaru was smiling too.

So before anyone could realize he was still there he started walking his way home. It was better to leave them some time alone and a limousine was the best place for that.

The driver saw his "boss" walk too far away from the limo and started to follow him.

"Mr. Hitachiin? The car is over there…" The driver said looking a bit confused at the young master. Kaoru chuckled at the man's confused state.

"I feel like walking today…don't worry I will be fine." Kaoru said and left the man standing in the sidewalk not really knowing what to do.

But today he would not explain. He was happy for Hikaru, of course he was. But at the same time his heart was in so much pain for losing the love of his life. So the last thing he wanted was to be the third wheel. He did not want to see Hikaru making his moves on Haruhi…if he had any moves.

He sighed…this would be one long walk, with way too much to think…things he did not want to think about. He just wanted to observe everything around him in hopes of finding something or someone, anything, to distract him.

So that was what he did. He never really stopped to see the people or places around him. The way home was actually pretty. It had a lot of big trees filled with sakura flowers, the sidewalk and the streets were clean; the cafes were filled with people, especially students who just got out of school. It was fun to watch.

There were a bunch of groups, girls and guys laughing and making jokes. There were some couples who were happily walking hand in hand, others were hidden in the nearest alley doing her things with their hands. That thought made Kaoru smile. He wished he could smile and be happy just like all of these people. Be normal, not have any incestual feelings for his brother. Here it was again…could he stay at least 10 minutes without thinking about Hikaru?

He had to eat something…it was a hot day and an ice cream parlor was nearby. So he crossed the street and hoped the ice cream would somehow make him forget about his brother.

He entered and picked a flavor…any really, he wasn't really hungry, just very hot and not very distracted.

A very small person kept glancing at him. The line to get the ice cream was long and the little girl by his side seemed interested in him. He looked down at her smiling and she turned her gaze away; blushing like a little girl would. She had blonde hair tied in a pony tail, dressed in a pink dress with little flowers on it. He smiled. Her mom was by her side smiling and shaking her head, she was blonde too and they were probably foreign. It was nice trying to guess things about people. This whole observing people outside of school, getting to know the way back to his home…it made him think.

Kaoru always thought Hikaru was the one who was closed off. Apparently he didn't know much about the world either. He never observed anyone else but the closed circle that was the Host Club. And the world was so big!!! He could be like one of those happy people. He could live too…not have a girlfriend because he is in love with Hikaru…but he doesn't have to be miserable. In less than ten minutes he managed to smile…twice!!

He got his ice cream and left feeling much better than when he entered the parlor. But before he could cross the street he felt something, no someone, tug at his sleeve. He looks down and sees the little girl again. He smiled and kneeled in front of with a questioning look. She was blushing and was not looking at him in the eyes. Suddenly a sakura flower pops in front of his eyes; she was holding it, giving it to him. He smiled and thanked, the girl looked at him, smiled too and ran back to her mother who was yelling her name.

He smiled at the flower. Amazing how kids can be so pure and so cheerful. He never had such childhood; he was always closed off, always living in his tiny world. God, how much did he miss in his life?

Well…he would start all over again if he had to! Yes that is what he would do! He would go home and start watching some child's movies. Brother Bear, Finding Nemo…he would find out what he missed out and try to make up the lost time. He would start living. And from now on he was going to school and back home, alone, walking, every day!

Opening the gates to the world, to Hikaru it was falling in love with Haruhi, to Kaoru was finding out that he does not has to be miserable because Hikaru isn't around. He would be sad, but try to get the best out of the situation. It seemed like a good plan.

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He saw the mansion and walked faster, he had movies to see, restaurants to go, people to meet. So much he could know about the world instead of moping around at home.

Ok, Hikaru was getting worried. Really worried. Really, _really_ worried. There was no sign of Kaoru anywhere and his cell phone was off. Where could he have gone? Haruhi was waiting for him to drive her home and Kaoru was nowhere in sight.

He saw his driver approaching him, mouth opening and closing many times, but he never said a thing. Annoyed, Hikaru asked without much of what people call respect.

"What?!" The driver closes his mouth and takes a deep breath.

"If you are looking for your twin, I just wanted to let you know sir that he already went home." The moment the other left his mouth the driver regretted. Hikaru looked at him with such fury in his eyes.

"And you let him?!!" He asked like the poor driver could do anything about it. The man just stuttered as Hikaru walked in the direction of Haruhi, wanting to take her home as soon as possible and check if his twin was safe back home.

Haruhi looked puzzled all the way to her house as Hikaru tried to act polite and kind like Kaoru taught him to, but he was just too worried. If he knew that Kaoru was safe than he would be able to enjoy taking Haruhi home but he couldn't because he hadn't talked to Kaoru in more than an hour!

As soon as Haruhi left the limo Hikaru told, no, ordered the driver to speed up, he had to get home as soon as possible.

Once there he just rushed his way to their shared bedroom and to his fear Kaoru wasn't there. But soon he heard laughter coming from the room next to theirs, the movie theater room. He was never happier to hear his brother's laugh than now.

He walked over the room and opened the door. Kaoru was sprawled on the couch watching a movie…no an animation…of fishes. Hikaru forgot he was mad at Kaoru and burst out laughing.

He opened his eyes again, after wiping the tears of laughter and met his brother's eyes, a curious expression on his face. But in his eyes was the same kind and gentle expression a before and that was really freaking Hikaru out. But he decided to ignore that for now.

"Why are you watching a fish movie?" He asked trying not to laugh and Kaoru pouted – and Hikaru laughed of course. Though he had to admit that was the cutest pout he ever saw his brother do. OK…where did the come from?

"Because of this." Kaoru said and showed Hikaru a small sakura flower. Hikaru looked at Kaoru, a confused look on his face. Kaoru just continued there, kneeled on the couch holding the part where you are supposed to rest your head.

"Still not getting." Hikaru said and Kaoru laughed. His laugh combined with that look sent a shiver through Hikaru and that confused him even more.

"You will someday…" Kaoru said, a smile on his lips - lips…an interesting body part. Hikaru blinked and shook his head, what a weird day.

"I don't like when you go mysterious on me. Like you did today, coming home alone, are you crazy?" Hikaru said, voice a bit higher, approaching Kaoru.

Kaoru laughed again, blushing a little at the thought of his actions and how he had made Hikaru mad, he got closer to his brother. And here came that look again.

"No, I just missed too much in my life…I am making up for lost time." He said smiling at Hikaru. Hikaru moved his gaze elsewhere, away from his brother's eyes, he wanted to be mad at Kaoru but he couldn't if he continued to see that sweet look in his eyes.

"You right? Just you? It use to be us…until today." Hikaru said and left the room without looking back at Kaoru.

"Hika…ru…" He tried to call his brother's name but he was already gone. No, it was not until today. It was until Haruhi entered in their lives and told them apart…and opened the gates of their world, stealing Hikaru from him.

Kaoru put the volume higher to be able to cry without anyone hearing…the movie ended and Kaoru was still sitting on that couch, crying silently.

Kaoru finally stopped crying one hour and a half later…he did not want to see his brother yet. So he just watched more children's movies, which were hilarious by the way, and some were very very cute.

He felt better by the time the children's movies marathon ended but he missed his brother…almost an entire day without Hikaru…he was supposed to be use to it by now, but he wasn't.

And when he entered the bedroom and saw his brother holding his pillow all he could do was smile. He looked so adorable…he was curled up in a ball, holding Kaoru's pillow tight to his chest. Hikaru had not the slightest clue of how apart they had gone. Until today apparently.

He took off his uniform and stayed only in his boxers, like they usually slept…a very tempting way of sleeping to Kaoru. He slowly got on the bed and tried to slowly pull his pillow from Hikaru's strong hold. He wished he could be his pillow; and like Hikaru could read his thoughts, on the moment he managed to get his pillow back he was pulled against a warm body and a very strong hold. He had to fight hard not to moan.

"I am sorry." His brother said, eyes staring into his, a faint blush on his cheeks. Kaoru smiled softly and felt a shiver run on his brother…he wondered why.

"It is ok…I forgive you." He said with a soft voice. Hikaru smiled and pulled him closer, resting his head on the crook of Kaoru's neck, snuggling closer.

Kaoru closed his eyes, All of Hikaru's face was brushing against very sensitive skin…including his lips. He closed his eyes and bit his lip hard. He had to get as much self control as possible. He could feel Hikaru's chest against his, his lips brushing occasionally against his neck, his breath tickling his skin, his arms holding him tight, gluing him to Hikaru. It was all too great…too sexual.

But Kaoru would try to think about non-sexual things and stay awake as much as possible…caressing his brother's back…he just wanted to live this moment forever…he didn't want to sleep, he just wanted to absorb everything in this moment…for it maybe the last.


	3. Walk on the Alley

**A/N:**

**TazChan****: Eu nao sei da onde a menininha saiu XDDD Acho q eh a minha criança interior MUAHUHUAHUA. E da proxima vamo amarra o Tamaki numa cadera e obriga ele a assisti junto com a gente XDDD.**

**xfreaksomex****: It is so very ukeish of him sin't it 3? Any way I am glad you liked and please read and review!!!!!**

**RavenToriBlack****: I am here to write my stories and get readers right? My duty is to be nice and kind and I like being nice and kind x3 after all you are all good to me on my reviews. I just thought 'sure Kaoru is "innocent" but c'mon they are almost naked...' I get carried away by angst XDD But this time I thought enough of my dear and poor Kaoru suffering, he deserves happiness too! Well hope you like this chappie read and review pleaseee!**

**asukann****: Kaoru is really sweet and I tell them apart by their voices (especially after listening 'Bokura no Love Style' XDDD). Please read and reviewww.**

**Haru-Hatori-Hiro****: Thank you thank you thank you!!! You have no idea how much it means to me to have my work and creation admired and complemented!!! PLease continue to be the great reader and reviewer that you are -!!**

**Misfit.Toy****: It was sad and cute and happy a mix of a lot XDDD. it's updated and if you could please read and tell me what are your thoughts about it...please tamaki's puppy eyes**

**inuwolf04****: I agree lol! Please continue to read and review!!!!**

**xiaoashwind****: Really? Very well written ??? I am so glad!!!I have been trying so hard not to make mistakes but its very difficult. I am glad you liked it and please read a nd review this chapter!!!!**

**Wulfi-chan****: I think it is the only way for Hikaru to realize something so serious...and if you ever hurt your uke like Hika did to Kao Kaoru and I will come and get you MUAHUAHUAHUAHUA...just kidding XDDD. Read and review pleaseee!!**

**xcloudx****: Thank you and I am happy I made you happy XDD. Please read and review my chapter!!**

**wickedlady 101****: Really? It made you cryyy??? I love it when readers cry... XDDD not because I want to make you suffer but because it means I wrote well...it makes me want to cry to know I reached my goal!! XDDD And who wouldn't be pervy with an almost naked Hikaru being tightly pressed against you??? Impossible LOL. Read and review pleaseee!!!**

**143 : Continued!!! PLease continue to read and review mee!!!**

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Walk on the Alley**

He wished he knew...he wished he knew why he was not sleeping yet. He was supposed to be asleep but no, he was **staring at his brother's neck.** Why would he do that? Why would he brush his fingertips softly against Kaoru's skin? He had absolutely no idea.

But he felt like he needed to do that, he never took such a close look before, they slept together but for some odd reason it seemed that tonight's hug was tighter, more intimate; though Hikaru couldn't quite figure out why.

Kaoru smelled of roses – his new liquid soap – and a scent that was just his. Something he and Hikaru apparently did not share. It was so unique and so…his.

Hikaru got so worried with his brother today that right now he just wanted to hold him and never let go, so he would never worry again.

He slowly moved his head so he was facing Kaoru; he was already asleep like Hikaru expected him to be. He slowly brushed his fingers through Kaoru's cheeks, to his eyes, and to his mouth…so soft. His fingertips continued there and Hikaru found himself blushing.

Though they played the brotherly love everything was just an act. Nothing so forbidden and sinful had ever happened between them and Hikaru honestly thought it was crazy for brothers to love in such way.

But then why was he touching and staring at Kaoru's parted lips? Why was he obsessed with Kaoru's neck just a minute ago? He shook his head, this was crazy. It is not like he loves his brother in _that way._ Impossible…right?

He removed his fingers from Kaoru's lips and rest his head on the crook of Kaoru's neck again; for now he would sleep with his brother on his strong hold and think about things later. He didn't like to think or wonder about things anyway. He was the practical one.

As soon as Hikaru's breath evened out two yellow orbs opened themselves and stared into the wall. A thousand thoughts went through Kaoru's mind and he had no idea which one of them was the right one.

Kaoru woke up earlier than Hikaru, if he really wanted to go to school alone than he would have to wake up early so he would have enough time to walk his way to school.

He slowly detached himself from his brother's arms – it was a struggle for he wished he could stay like that forever – and went to take his morning shower.

He use to take a shower with Hikaru; not on the same bathtub but in the same bathroom, they used to make bubble fights and wet the whole place – he chuckled at the memory – he missed spending time with Hikaru. But if Hikaru wanted to spend time with Haruhi and that made him happy then Kaoru would let him.

He got dressed very quietly so he would not wake up Hikaru and before leaving he slowly directed himself to the bed, to give Hikaru a peck on the cheek as goodbye.

But before he could get out of the bed he was pushed back, his brother's weight above him, his breathing a thousand times quicker and he was actually blushing.

"Where do you think you are going?" His brother whispered in his ear and Kaoru closed his eyes, this was just **too much **for him. He couldn't move, or talk, or even blink. "What is so fun about walking alone to school?" Hikaru asked in a winy voice, face still hidden in the midst of Kaoru's hair. Kaoru smiled softly and spoke near his ear.

"What is so fun about driving Haruhi to school every morning?" That seemed to cause an effect on Hikaru, because he in one quick motion got off his brother looking at him with a surprised expression and his mouth was hanging open.

Kaoru smiled, got off the bed and left the room leaving a very confused Hikaru sitting in their bed, staring at the spot where Kaoru was.

Kaoru walked peacefully out of the house, he knew Hikaru was still clueless about his feelings for Haruhi and that the question Kaoru asked scared him.

What could he do anyway? It was a simple question and he was just trying to open Hikaru's eyes, even though it hurt for him to do so.

But he decided he would move on right? So that was what he was doing right now. He walked on the same way back to school and the same cafes were there, only that now they were pretty empty; since Kaoru didn't have breakfast he got into one to buy a bagel or something.

It is not like he was avoiding Hikaru…he was just using the time that Hikaru gave him, the time he spent with Haruhi. Kaoru would not rotten just because his brother decided to completely ignore him…or at least he would try not to.

He got his bagel and was about to leave the store but when he turned around he found identical amber orbs staring into his.

"Hi-Hikaru…?" He said a bit scared by the angry expression on Hikaru's face. Hikaru said nothing, he just grabbed Kaoru's free hand and left the store, carrying Kaoru with him.

"I don't know why you are doing this Kaoru! I don't know if it is because I am driving Haruhi to school but if it is you should tell me!" He said and Kaoru rolled his eyes chuckling a bit at his brother's denseness. "If it is not and you are not going to tell me then the least I can do is walk with you. Maybe I will know why you are acting strange." He said and continued walking quickly looking for a clue everywhere, like they were trying to figure out a crime or something.

"Hikaru stop with the nonsense I just feel like walking and seeing the rest of the world instead of pretending that the Host Club is all there is!" Oh-ho…he said too much. Hikaru turned to him, furious looking and let go of his hand.

"Again with you; you, you, you that is all I have been hearing lately! Can you stop being so selfish and let someone else into your new world Kaoru?" He yelled at his brother and it seemed like that woke up something very very bad inside of Kaoru.

"Oh right I am the selfish one! I am the one who isn't letting anyone in my new world…I am not fighting with you Hikaru, think whatever you want." He said and continued his way to school – which thank God was getting closer. Hikaru followed him.

"What is that supposed to mean?! And what do you call this?! A peaceful discussion?!" Hikaru screamed at him with all of his lungs, the school and the students getting closer by the second, listening to their argument.

"No I call it a finished discussion!" He yelled back and rushed his way to school, ignoring everyone around him trying to find a place to hide. This time, no one followed.

Kaoru hid behind a tree taking deep breaths. He didn't understand why his brother was this way. He looked back trying to find his twin and he did. He was talking with Haruhi who seemed to be calming him down; a hand on his arm.

Hikaru had stopped looking for Kaoru and was just talking with Haruhi, probably explaining to her what had happened.

Kaoru just went inside of the school going to his class. He knew this would happen but it hurt anyway. He swallowed the pain and tried to convince himself that this was for Hikaru's sake. That he would move on and finally see the feelings he has for Haruhi.

If only he could believe his own thoughts.

* * *

The day was horrible. Haruhi tried to calm him down and talk to Kaoru but Kaoru seemed to push her away and avoid her like a plague. He did the same to Hikaru; who was getting pretty annoyed by the way he was being treated.

But Kaoru couldn't run and hide forever, the Host Club was about to start and they would have to face each other and solve their problems.

But to Hikaru's surprise, Kaoru wasn't there, he talked to his driver and he said his younger brother had gone home early, walking alone again.

Hikaru was mad out of his mind but if he left now Kyouya would kill both him and Kaoru. So he stayed for their lives' sake.

He was pretty much ignoring the fangirls and they were looking a bit scared and really sad. He wished he know why.

"Hikaru-kun…why isn't Kaoru here?" One of them asked. He just looked at her and shrugged.

"He went home early." Hikaru said like it didn't matter, but everyone knew, it did matter, a whole lot.

"Maybe he went to the ice cream parlor again. I saw him there yesterday." One of them said and Hikaru started to listen more carefully without looking at them.

"Or he went to that small café near the alley." The other girl said. Some other fan made a funny noise with a sarcastic tone.

"Impossible. People only go there if they have someone to meet. You know what they do in that alley Mika-chan." The girl said and Hikaru saw from the corner of his eyes the other girls blushing.

"You don't actually think he went there to meet someone right?" another one whispered so Hikaru wouldn't hear but he did anyway. He looked at them with a furious expression and before Kyouya could stop him he was out of the Third Music room.

* * *

So Kaoru left early…way early. He could not face Hikaru now and would not face him and act with him after the major fight they had the previous day. He would walk home again and perhaps stop at the parlor again. Maybe ice cream would help…again.

He entered the small parlor choosing a flavor this time but before he could choose someone tapped his shoulder.

He turned to look and found out it was just a girl from his school. He recognized her; it was one of their costumers. Her black hair was loose a few curls forming on the ends, her black eyes were sparkling and she was smiling broadly at Kaoru.

"Hum…I know you must be busy Kaoru-kun but I was wondering if maybe you wanted to join n me and my friends? We are just hanging out at the café nearby." She asked and he thought for a while. He needed a reason to forget Hikaru. There was no little girl with an inspiring flower today so why not?

"Sure." He said and the girl got his sleeve and dragged him out of the parlor, walking quickly trough the streets talking happily with Kaoru about her friends.

They arrived and some of her friends pulled a chair for him as she introduced them to Kaoru, he just smiled as everyone greeted him.

He was happy, having the nicest time with everyone. They bought him a Coke and a hot-dog that was supposedly the best they ever ate.

He talked and laughed and ate, and just acted normal. For about one hour he was nothing but another teenager having a good time with friends. But he should have remembered he was not what people call normal.

And he did remember that on the moment his brother appeared out of nowhere and stared at him and the girl at his side. His gaze burnt holes through Kaoru, like he was doing something forbidden.

The more he tried to move and talk, the less he could. The others just stared at both of them as Hikaru looked like spanking Kaoru and Kaoru looked like bursting into tears.

They all waited and time never seemed to go by slower than in that very moment.


	4. Kaoru's Paradox

**A/N:**

**Luna Skye: The thing is Kaoru and Hikaru wear different hari styles right?That is how she figured it out. I promissed myself make one fic without OCs and someone giving either Kaoru or Hikaru hints about life. Hatori Bisco made it so maybe I can make it happen too XDD ok just kidding ". About what you said before, I really want to thank you. I just realized that all hikaxkao fics are sad, too angst, and that everyone forgets that they have a life. I decided to put life into my fic. Does that make any sense XDD? Please R&R**

**Thr0u6hTh31c3: Thank you Thank you, you have no idea how long it took and how much effort I put ito my fics to make them well-written, I know there are grammar mistakes- though I can't find them . - but I swear I try my best and it is nice to get some good reviews Thank you please continue to read and review.**

**143- Sorry it wasn't so soon...school and a few family problems which I will explain after thankin everyone . Please continue to R&R despite my lateness . ".**

**Mariku-san- Thank you! I believe this is my best work so far, I never managed to make a HikaxKao fic so not angst lol. I am glad you enjoy, please continue to read and review.**

**hearmei: I am glad /o/ if you can imagine it means I can write i properly Please continue to read and review.**

**Keeper Of Destiny: hat is exactly why I made this fic I challenged myself into making a fic and see if I have the ability to write something where Hikaru sees things for himself and not through everyone else who gives him tips. I am glad you enjoyed. Please keep reading and reviewing.**

**Haru-Hatori-Hiro: I have a thing for clifhangers XDDOn my first story I had one cliff every chapter XDD the readers must be happy I changed /o/. I am glad you liked the other chappie hope you like and review this one too**

**TazChan: O Tamaki flo isso? -procurando- Ele so nao ve oq faz u.u" Brigada por review minha fic msm flando cmg no msn todo dia  
XDDD! Review esse chappie tb ?? -olhos brilham-**

**inuwolf04- Who knows -evil laugh- ...keep reading and reviewing onegai!!**

**RavenToriBlack- Everyone loved the part where Hikaru looks like spanking Kaoru XDD You perverts! -just kidding- I am happy you love it it is updated please read and review /o/!!!!**

**xfreaksomex- I know! I ignored it too XDD Until this very fic where I realized that hey...Kaoru is human...he can't possibly breath,sleep and eat Hikaru and Host Club. I am happy you enjoy this fic I made...it is far the greatest HikaxKao fic I have done...I think, well I hope. XD Anyway keep reading and reviewing!!**

**pikapika-angelic-demon-17****: Don't worry, I am sort of tired of sad fics . But I won't tell you the ending! LOL Keep reading and reviewing onegai.**

**Wulfi-chan****: Hikaru won't like that very much LOL Read and review hope you enjoy!!! **

**Lisa Lee- I love them too but lately...-looks at clock and runs- no time TT Anyway I am glad you love them I love making them and recognition is very much apreciatted. Thanks and keep R&R**

**Ok...so I am sorry I took so long...School started and the college pressure is worse than ever...-2 years countdown- I have never suffered so much pressure to do anything in my whole life - -". To help my happy situation, to show me the pain of losing someone like I wrote so many times in my fics and now I actually cry reading them - my uncle died. I guess in a way it made me write again...you will see my apreciation for life in here...hope you enjoy, forgive me and review !!**

**

* * *

Kaoru's Paradox.**

Hikaru was never more confused than in that very moment. He wasn't sure of what to feel, think or say, or even if he should do one of these three things.

His brother, his other half had not gone to the Host Club to be here with a bunch of strangers? How could he do this to him? How could Kaoru trade him for people that he didn't know, that didn't know him?!

But at the same time he was angry, he was sorry. Hikaru had absolutely no idea of why Kaoru was there, why he didn't want to spend time with him anymore. He wished he could be there too and be part of his brother's new world.

He looked so happy with these strangers, he was laughing and smiling in a way Hikaru hadn't seen him in the past months. He was happier with these strangers than with his own brother.

Because before Hikaru arrived, Kaoru was laughing and smiling. After he arrived Kaoru looked like crying. Was that the reaction Hikaru got from his twin? Did he cause Kaoru…pain?

All of these confusing thoughts...it was all too much for Hikaru. He was always the one for math not for confusing, complex thoughts. He left the interpretation to Kaoru...but he couldn't talk to Kaoru now. Not about this...but he had to do something.

So between leaving his brother alone to be happy or punching him for not going to the Host Club, Hikaru chose option number one.

Looking away, he took a step back, entered the limousine and left without looking back.

* * *

Kaoru just watched his brother stare at him, first in anger, then in sorrow and finally in confusion. He wanted to know what was going through his twin's mind like they used to be, but now they were separated and nothing would make them go back to what it used to be. 

That only proved to be true because instead of the punch he was expecting to get, Hikaru left without saying a word. He left Kaoru sitting there staring at the spot where he had been just a second ago and wondering what will happen to them once he got home.

"Kaoru are you ok?" The girl beside him asked everyone was staring at him like he was a freak; brothers don't usually react this way. And he knew that. So he put his mask on, smiled and nodded.

"Hai…he is probably mad at me because I missed the Host Club…Kyouya must have fought with him…" Kaoru used that as an excuse of course. The weird looks he was receiving were quickly replaced with understanding nods and he sighed in relief.

He wondered what would be like when he arrived home…would Hikaru completely ignore him? Would they have another fight? Would he always remain on this constant doubt about Hikaru's feelings? Does he have to think about his twin's feelings? He decided he was too tired to think about it anymore, with a sigh he stopped the mind battle on what would be Hikaru's reaction. He could not wonder much in front of everyone anyway.

The girl next to him saw him sigh and gave him a worried look.

"Still worried about Hikaru?" She asked a hand on his shoulder - weird looks eye him again. He tried to think of a quick excuse.

"Not actually…I was just thinking of which movie I will watch today but then I thought it is getting a bit boring to watch the movies by myself." Ok so he was sort of lying. It was starting to get boring to laugh alone, not have anyone to comment the movie to; he honestly didn't know how people managed to survive with this feeling day after day. They bought his second excuse.

"What kind of movies are you watching?" The girl asked, some of the others on the table were paying attention and others were talking in pairs. He blushed and avoided her eyes.

"Disney movies…Nemo...Brother Bear…thinks like that." He said scratching the back of his head in embarrassment. The girls said "aww" while the guys laughed and shook their heads.

"Aww that's so sweet! I particularly love Disney movies! Finding Nemo is the best animation I have ever seen and the cutest father / son story ever!" One of them said, the brunette girl by Kaoru's side nodding in agreement. He smiled, so he was not the only one.

"I have an idea! Why don't we make a little get together at my house tomorrow afternoon and watch a few Disney movies?" A red headed girl asked. They all nodded and smiled and cheered.

"Can you come too Kaoru? Please." The red head asked him with a pleading look. They were all looking at him like that except for the guys who were shaking their heads and muttering things like "this is so childish".

"Sure." He said and smiled. The girls started to scream their girlish squeals excited planning what they would watch and eat and drink. Kaoru just chuckled at their excitement. So that was how they did it…they did not have twins…clones…they had friends. That was something new.

Even though Kaoru always thought he knew everything about friendship…he didn't. He didn't understand how having friends made you less lonely especially because friends are not always loyal, friendships not always work out. But then again…neither did brotherhood.

He though Hikaru and him would always be together...he thought their bond was unbreakable. He was wrong, everything that envolves the human being can be wrong, can break, can be torn. Like their bond, like their world. He wished he had seen it coming...not like he would be able to stop it anyway.

Someday...somehow, Haruhi or someone else, they would be separated, they would take different paths and ways and their world would end. Sooner or later it would happen anyway...he just wished it had happened later.

But, what was this close to worse problems? Lately while walking home he saw many police cars and ambulances…what was what he was going through close to other things? He would not have his brother just for himself but he would always have him near…alive.

At least they would always have each other no matter what. No matter how apart they gotten, nothing would totally separate them…There are so many worse things in life. They could be poor, hungry; living under a bridge…one of them could be dead.

The thought of it brought chills to Kaoru. As he saw the world he was missing out he realized everyone had problems. And that what he was going through was not as bad as he thought.

Of course the moment he got home all these incredible thoughts about life, happiness and friendship will vanish. He will see his brother and break into pieces because right now that was his problem, and even though it might be big or small close to other problems…it was his pain.

But he would deal with it just like anyone. Loneliness and friendship were too new things for him but he would learn and overcome it. He would always love Hikaru that cannot be doubted but he would be at least a bit happy…he would live.

After all, life is a gift and we have to live it because we never know when our time will come.

So he will live life like he is doing right now. He will be friendly, have more friends, and be happy…like everyone else. He will find his space in this world, find his destiny and fight for it.

His new friends were leaving and they all said how great it was to finally have Kaoru as a friend. He guessed everyone was expecting him to live and only now he figured out how to do it.

So he walked his way back home thanking whoever created this universe for granting him the most amazing gift of all…life.

* * *

Hikaru was probably the most confused person in the world at the present moment. Did he make the right decision by coming home? Did he have to stay and see what was more interesting then him? Why did Kaoru miss the Host Club to be with a bunch of strangers? 

_**The girls on the Club are strangers as well…**_

Yes but they…they are their job. Kaoru and Hikaru committed themselves with the Club to make them happy…and Hikaru enjoyed spending time with his brother even if was acting that weird brotherly love act.

_**The "act" is all you know…**_

Is all Kaoru knows as well…Or knew…Because Hikaru hated to admit to himself that Kaoru was starting to know a part of the world that Hikaru had not even set his foot at. He was actually getting to know other people.

_**The "act" isn't as weird as you think…**_

Why was he reacting like this anyway? Brothers should not react this way and he knew…he sort of knew…but Kaoru…his Kaoru was everything. They had not known what was life or friendship until little time ago.

_**Haruhi…**_

She was the one who opened their eyes…some fan girls hated her…they say Hikaru pays more attention to her than to Kaoru. But why would they hate her? Do they hate her for the same reason Hikaru is now hating those people that were with Kaoru? But his reason was different…he hated them because Kaoru traded him for them. Kaoru preferred to spend time with them than with his own twin!

Hikaru growled and turned on the bed, anger taking over him. What did they have that he didn't? What was wrong with Kaoru anyway? Why didn't he invite Hikaru along…he would have gone without asking twice….

_**Would he…?**_

Right now he did not know what to think or do. He was just so messed up. He had no idea why Kaoru was avoiding him. But somewhere…somewhere deep down he knew that he was the one who started the avoiding charade…he was the one who took the first step. He just didn't expect Kaoru to take the others without him.

Not like he had consciously realized all of this. But the pain on his chest, the sadness in his eyes made him suspiciously ask if Kaoru was really the one he should be mad at.

**_Look in his eyes..._**

That look...those looks...they would never leave Hikaru's mind. The look Kaoru had been giving him, he had goosebumps just thinking about it. It was so sweet, so full of care and love, it made him lose his breath. And the look he gave Hikaru just half an hour ago. That sad and scared look, like Hikaru was about to do something bad to him.

Kaoru was _oh_ so confusing...but at the same time it was his brother...his twin, and Hikaru loves him. He may not understand how deep the love is, how strong their bond is...but he will find out soon.

* * *

He arrived home, his twin wasn't at the front door expecting for him. He didn't expect Hikaru to be there anyway…Kaoru's life…is one big paradox. 

For while he is grateful to be alive and to have a twin despite everything that came along with him –forbidden love, pain, guilt- he still felt the pain of uncertainty - pain of not knowing where life would lead them…pain of being scared to death of one day not having Hikaru by his side anymore.

Maybe one day, after taking too many steps…they wouldn't be able to go back and be separated forever. Like brothers who fight over something and end not ever talking to each other.

He hoped…no, he prayed that this wasn't the case. That with Hikaru it would be different…it would be better. That they would manage to take the steps into the world together, or alone, but meeting each other on the way.

As long as Hikaru gave Kaoru a little space on his life…then everything would be fine.


	5. Boat of Fate

**A/N:**

**xiaoashwind: Oh c'mon Hikaru is feeling very "friendly" on chapter 3 ;D XDDD. And thank you I did not think i was capable of writing Hikaru's confusion I am glad you think I am. Please continue to read and review \o/**

**wickedlady 101: Thank you Thank you Thank you D. I am glad you liked it so much and I did not think I was good at describing his confusion...well I am glad you liked it x. Please continue to read and review.**

**trueyamigirlfriend: I know, that is whats I noticed when reding my HikaxKao stories, he is always sad and depressed and Kaoru isn't like that. I am glad I am managing to make this story less angst XD Glad you liked it please keep reading and reviewing.And I posted the chappie but i have to post another...waiting for the inspiration to come lol.**

**Kelshmo: I am so glad you think like that T-T i have been trying so so hard XD Thanks for your support and please keep reading and reviewing.**

**Keeper Of Destiny: Thank you I am not sure but I think I am a pioneer on the whole Kaoru happy thing on XDDD it's just I don't think anyone ever thought about him that way. Well...I think that is how he would act and I am glad you like and agree with me xD please keep reading and reviewing.**

**pikapika-angelic-demon-17: I know T-----T I swear I try my best at the grammar and tense issues but no matter what I do they always seem to come back and haunt me T-T. If you could teach me and point my mistakes I did be really grateful. Thanks for your support and here goes more XD -fills Renge rice bowl- Keep reading and reviewing onegai.**

**Mariku-san: Thank you so very much D it is what I havebeen trying to do since I started writing XD I am glad you liked and I am even more glad that it got you inspiration to write again Lord knows what an author's blank can do. Hope to read your stories soon . And I am the one to thank you please continue to read and review.**

**Pinkfox190: Yes XDD of course there will be more, I have sort of a goal I have to reach " to prove someone and myself that I can be a great writer, hope I am right -nervous laugh-. Tears O.o I am very mean to say this but I am glad xD it means I am writing at least a bit better...about the grammar and tense mistakes I try TT but I am not american this is my second language and I swear I am doing my best here...maybe you could teach me 8D? Anyway XD Thanks for reading and reviewing please continue to R&R.**

**Britannica Moore****: No no it's too soon to be the end . There is still much more to come, I hope you continue to read and review.**

**animelover143: Of course I will write more .I am happy you like it please continue to read and review.**

**Yaoi Emo Kitsune****: XDDDDDDD -falls off chair- Well I think it is a bit soon to make a lemon but who knows ;D eventually maybe. Please continue to read and review.**

**deebwee: I know tis wasn't soon I am so sorry . But it's here now 8D hope you can read and review again . **

**Living in a fantasy****: I try to put myself in the same situation I guess I did feel the same about it... now that you made me think I think i am going to start writing the other chappie XD anyway I am glad you like it so much I am doing my best and this is by far the best hikaxkao fic I have written -hopefully. Hope you continue to read and review thanks so much for your support.**

**BokuraNoLoveStyle****: I know T-T I feel sad when I write it XD but I am glad you liked it and that it had such an effect means that I am still worth as a writer xD Please continue to read and review.**

**Again I am sorry for this T-T I know it took too long but I swear I am trying. Please forgive me. -puppy eyes- Oh and I was listening to a song while doing this chappie I put a part of it and I hope you all don't kill me for it hehe -nervous laugh- is just...it fits them perfectly. For those who watch bleach it is I think the first XD -sorry for mistaking XD"" hehe- ending something like it, Life is like a boat by Ikimono Gakari. **

* * *

Boat of Fate 

Kaoru lay in his bed unable to sleep; thoughts and doubts disturbed his poor worried mind. Sometimes she wished he didn't care so much about Hikaru. Sometimes he wished he hated Hikaru, it would be easier for him anyway.

All he would have to do is go to school, bear a few hours with him in the host club and he would be free, he would feel free, his heart would have no owner.

But who is he kidding anyway? He would never be able to hate his twin even after suffering so much. Besides he was suffering because he wanted to, after all it is not normal or proper for him to have fallen in love with his mirror image.

He yawns and turns again in his bed, stretching a little as sleep seems to come and go. There is light on this side of the room and it is hurting his eyes, but it is night it should not be so clear.

He opens one eye and quickly sits on the bed, both eyes wide. Standing with his door open, looking at the floor, the corridor light making weird shadows of him on the floor, there is Hikaru.

He looks up and meets Kaoru's eyes. They are sweet and caring like always, without a question Kaoru makes some space for Hikaru to sleep and points the bed for him. The other red head smiles and closes his twin door, directing himself to bed.

They both lie down on their back and stare at the ceiling, neither knowing what to say.

"I am sorry Kaoru…I should not have gotten so mad." Hikaru shyly says, he is not good at apologies, his hand intertwined with the fancy silk sheets as he fidgets not knowing what to say or do anymore.

But his uncertainties are put to a side as he feels a palm on his chest and Kaoru's spiky hair tickling his neck. Kaoru is partially lying on the mattress and partially on his brother and he smiles and breathes into the other's scent.

"It's ok…I should have told you I was going there anyway…for now let's sleep ne?" He asks in a sweet voice and looks at his brother for a second with a little smile on his face. Hikaru smiles back and nods. A happy Kaoru enjoys the moment and sleeps on his brother's chest, he wish he could stay awake and take in all of he could of this precious and rare event but as soon as he felt his brother's warm body against his, sleep started to take over.

Soon they are both sleeping and at least for a night their doubts and fears will be forgotten and replaced by sweet dreams.

* * *

The morning after was just like every single one, they walked back to Hikaru's room –where all their stuff are – changed and went to the kitchen to quickly eat a toast or something so they don't get too hungry until the break time. 

Though the routine was the same the boys weren't. Kaoru as spacing out thinking about how would he manage to go to the girls meeting without making his brother angry at him and Hikaru was spacing out trying to figure out what Kaoru was thinking and what he should do today.

He got his answer at the moment he saw Kaoru denying the limousine ride to school and deciding to walk there. He had forgotten he said he would walk with Kaoru…but if he did than who would pick Haruhi up? Tono? No way.

He stood there looking to the limousine than at Kaoru. The other boy seemed to notice for he turned and looked at his brother.

"Hikaru forget about the other day…go get Haruhi." He softly said. And then it came, that expression, those eyes. But this time there was not only love and care, there was sadness. Why? Why was Kaoru sad? And why seeing him like that made Hikaru feel li he just had been stabbed?

"But…I can't let you go alone to school." He said sounding a bit unsure of himself.

"Of course you can" Kaoru said with a shallow smile on his lips. _'You've done it many times already…'_ He thought and shook his head to shake the thought away. "I will be fine don't worry. C'mon she must be waiting for you." Hikaru still didn't enter the limousine.

"Join me?" He shyly asked with a small smile. Kaoru lost his composure for a second and actually didn't know what to answer; he genuinely wanted his company. Unfortunately Kaoru had to declaim. He shook his head and got his normal smile back on.

"No, I think you can use some time alone with her." He said and before this argument could go any longer he walked out of the mansion, giving his twin no other option but to go without him.

Hikaru stared at Kaoru leaving for a while before entering the limousine. He was still confused, why did Kaoru want him to stay alone with Haruhi? In what would that help him?

He shook his head, too much thinking would make him even more confused so he simply tried to forget and continue on his way to her house.

* * *

Kaoru arrived before Hikaru did. Not like it mattered, his brother didn't spend too much time with him in school anyway. He simply went to class, sat on his desk and waited for classes to begin. 

"Kaoru-kun! It's me Mika-chan!" He heard a girlish voice partially scream his name and looked around to see who it was. It was he girl from the previous day, her hair was in a pony tail today but her eyes were shining nonetheless. He smiled waiting for her to speak again. "Ok the girls and I were thinking that if we make you leave before the Host Club your brother will be angry, so we changed the movie time to after the Host Club ok? We will be waiting at the main gate." She said with a big happy smile.

"Thank you for worrying about me." He said and gave her a small smile as well. "What do I have to take to your house?" He asked.

"Oh don't worry about that." She said waving her hand too close to his face. "My maids will have everything taken care of by the time the school period ends." She said and gave a small laugh.

Before he could answer the bell for the first class end and he sighed.

"Well thank you then, I am very glad you invited me." He said and smiled at her once more; she smiled back and went to seat near her girlfriends.

Hikaru and Haruhi entered right after the bell rang, Haruhi was smiling but to Kaoru's surprise Hikaru didn't seem so happy. He looked at Kaoru for a while and smiled slightly he sat down right after leaving Kaoru stare in confusion. Hikaru never noticed he was there in the mornings.

Oh well good for him. Kaoru thought about the movie session he would have with the funny girls this afternoon and smiled. It would be fun to make new friends and expand his world. He knew he was distancing himself form not only Hikaru anymore, but from everyone else as well.

You know…maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was overreacting and making that many friends all at once would cause him consequences he had not predicted. Maybe he should quietly move on and keep on his mansion waiting for Hikaru to arrive every afternoon.

But he thought that even if he was wrong he deserved a chance to be happy as well and that can't be a mistake.

Destiny had brought him this far and made his eyes open, his life have a whole new meaning. Destiny made him and Hikaru to be distanced but the changes were still happening, they are young and they have just discovered the world around him, who knows what is next?

Maybe after this journey of knowledge of the world and people, maybe they would be together again. Besides that is what life is all about ne? You make friends, you lose friends, you fight, you cry, laugh and play and work and eventually you will die.

So for now he would make the best out of his life. He will have a very entertaining afternoon watching funny child's movies with his new friends while Hikaru will have the chance to spend more time with Haruhi. Besides Hikaru will never return Kaoru's feelings so the best he can do is trying to move on. Trying being the keyword.

Perfect! He will be distracted while that happens so it won't hurt so much. It used to hurt a lot because he was always alone on their mansion thinking about the meaning of life. He was glad he had found out that life is not meant to be understood, it is meant o be lived without questions.

Not like any of these new friends know him like Hikaru does, but there are a few secrets that not even Hikaru knows so maybe if gives these people a chance they will be able to know him better.

_We are all rowing the boat of fate  
The waves keep on coming and we can't escape  
But if we ever get lost on our way  
The waves would guide you through another day_

_[…_

_  
_And whenever Hikaru needed Kaoru's presence, Kaoru would make sure to be there like any friend and brother would do. He loved HIkaru and he loved being with him even if it meant to stay by his side listening to his blabbering about Haruhi. He sighed...love makes us do strange things ne?

_I want you to know who I really am  
I never thought I'd feel this way toward you  
And if you ever need someone to come along  
I will follow you and keep you strong_

He smiled to himself, finally the answer he needed to be able to move on and help Hikaru to do the same without getting so hurt on the process. And maybe who knows, someday he will be able to tell Hikaru his one and most dangerous secret. Three little words…

_I want you to know who I really am  
I never thought I'd feel this way toward you  
And if you ever need someone to come along  
I will follow you and keep you strong  
[…_

Hikaru was bored out of his mind and he let himself space out. He had missed Kaoru on the limousine. HE remembered when it used to be just the two of them, and he missed having Kaoru near him at mornings talking about how the school would be boring, what kind of prank they would play on whom. He missed his brother…a lot.

_And everytime I see your face  
The oceans lead out to my heart  
You make me wanna strain at the oars  
And soon I can't see the shore_

_  
_He looked at Kaoru. He was smiling to the ceiling, completely spaced out. Hikaru smiled too and shook his head. He does not know what his brother is thinking but if it's making him happy. He had decided that. Kaoru was creating a new life he knows. But for now there is not much he can do…maybe if he stays calm and not freaks out like the other day Kaoru will tell him what's wrong…yes; he can talk to Kaoru after the Host Club. Of course that thought will vanish when he finds himself alone in his mansion at 7 pm but that is not important right now as Hikaru is simply staring at Kaoru's smile and Haruhi is confused looking from red head to the other.

_Unmei no fune wo kogi(Keep rowing the boat of fate)_

_nami wa tsugi kara tsugi e to(Though the waves are flowing to the future)_

_Watashi-tachi wo osou kedo(and threat to overwhelm us)_

_sore mo suteki na tabi ne(This trip is also wonderful)  
Dore mo suteki na tabi ne(A wonderful trip at every wave that flows)_


	6. Strangers in Us

**A/N: **

Living in a fantasy: I am so glad you read it even with the HP obsession --. Thank you and I love that song too! I think it simply fitted pefectly on the chapter so I put it there. Glad you liked it! Please keep reading and reviewing. And please please forgive me for my lateness.

Mariku-san: I am glad you liked it! Hope you continue to like it even after this chapter and the daley of it! Please keep reading and reviewing! Thank you!

Kelshmo: I will! Promise! Sorry I took so long to update this one, please forgive me and keep reading and reviewing.

BokuraNoLoveStyle: Thanks! It's continued though I took so long to do so D. Sorry, please forgive me and don't abandon this fic! Review pleasee! Thank you for your patience too.

Kat-chan: Updated! Sorry it took so long ;--;. Please forgive me, keep reading and reviewing \o/.

Emiz: I am so glad! Please forgive the delay and continue to read and review.

Kikky Killer Of Blonds: Tanks for the advice I actually took it, I hope it worked.

Zoekske: Updated! Please keep reviewing and reading ---.

**

* * *

Strangers in Us**

The redhead boy had been waiting for this all day. He had barely slept and gone to school early - avoiding Hikaru; he had not even focused properly on his act at the Host Club because of it. It was the first time in his life that he would do something with "strangers" without Hikaru by his side.

He was scared and a bit sad. And happy and excited at the same time. He felt like a child, experiencing things for the first time though he really should already know what it feels like to have friends and go out with them.

His life had been so complicated...it felt like he had put himself on stand by mode only to wake up and live now. Before it was like he could not exist without Hikaru and know he was learning how to...though in truth he preferred he didn't have to learn such things.

If only he knew that life would be so boring without his twin. The girls were fun and all but it was just not the same. It was tiring, he had to put such an effort to understand their inside jokes, he had to create history with them and it exhausted him.

That was the biggest problem. Hikaru and him had history, had a life together, had their on inside jokes. And it hurt to leave it all behind to make new ones with new people. It felt like he was betraying his twin by leaving their memories behind to create others that did not include him.

Kaoru laughs are shallow and the happiness in them does not reach his eyes. He is faking obviously. It is not like he does not like this little get together that he is in. It just feels weird to be sharing this moment with all these "strangers". Though it was not like Hikaru and him knew each other feelings and thoughts all the time anymore.

In Kaoru's mind that was all they were and tere was no way they actually knew what he was feeling. But to his surprise the girls noticed his awkwardness and after the movie session ended they decided to talk to him about Hikaru. Kaoru did not really understand the purpose of it but went along with it anyway.

He walked through the living room, following the girls. He did not even remember whose mansion this was but by the looks of it the girl's parents must be a doctor. The entire place was decorated with black and white. The doors and curtains were black, the furniture in general, the couches everything was black. The wall, the fireplace, the stairway, all pure white and marble. It felt as if he was entering a big and fancy hospital. And the talk he was going to have only made it feel like he was directing himself to the psychiatric part of the hospital.

The redhead passed through a big marble arch and opened two identical glass doors. Kaoru was right, her father must be a doctor, a psychologist on top of that. He almost laughed of it all, almost being the keyword. The girls made a circle around the shrink's red, velvet couch and motioned him to seat.

He prayed to God that this wasn't some sort of weird ritual and that he would come out alive after this. They were acting so weird that it simply frigtened him.

"So Kaoru..." The redhead whose name he did not know began talking while sitting on a black, velvet armchair. "I am aware of the fact that right know you may be feeling a little intimidaded by this talk since you barely got to know us; but..." She paused and took a deep breath before staring into his eyes with what he saw as pity or compassion. "We couldn't help but notice how you looked sad without Hikaru."

"Yeah and we realized that maybe you don't have anyone else to talk to so we decided to show you that we are here! We are not Hikaru but we will try to understand, really." Another girl said enthusiastically.

Kaoru laughed, truly did laugh for the first time in the afternoon. Truth he really did not have anyone else to talk to, but it was hilarious to see all their worried expressions, to see how much they had thought about this moment just to tell him that they were there for him.

They looked at him as if he had grown horns and a tail and he smiled. He wasn't going to really talk about his feelings and his brother but it was nice to know someone besides Hikaru cared about him. It felt nice to be cared for when he is _just Kaoru, _not _the Hitachiin twins. _Who knew that being a single individual was actually good?

"Thank you" He simply answered and all the girls smiled along with him.

* * *

He sits alone in his bed and thinks. It is past 7 pm and Kaoru isn't home. He knew this would happen but a part of him just stayed in denial. He knew that his brother would go to the get together with his new friends because he heard them talking about it. But in his mind he chose not to know. As if it could change anything. 

'_As if Kaoru had not passed through this so many times.' _The phrase came from somewhere hidden in his brain but he shook it away.

But anyway, after realizing that he missed Kaoru, Hikaru decided that he would invest sometime on them. He had not noticed how apart they had gotten until this moment. But now that he sees it clearly he wish he had done something about it. He feels so totally and completely stupid for not seeing all of that until now.

_'Well not now...this has started a few days ago since you saw **that look** in his eyes...and got worse after being ditched by him so he could be with a buntch of strangers_.' The voice said again and he shook the thought away...**again.**

Kaoru isn't there to tell him what to do or how to think, he is lost by himself in his sea of thoughts and regrets, realizing for the first time all that he did...or _didn't do_. He regrets the time he spent without his brother...it drove them apart. He regrets that he only realized it now, he regrets that he never did anything for Kaoru while his twin did everything for him.

Unfortunately for him no matter how much you wish you could go back in time...you simply can't. What is lost is lost, the moments you spent with someone else created the situation at hand. There is absolutely nothing he can do now to change it.

He sighs and throws himself on his king-sized bed. He stares at the ceiling and tries to think about other things. Tries to forget, tries to get distracted and let the guilt go away. But it doesn't and the hardest he tries to forget the more he remembers.

He thinks of a thousand ways of not blaming himself. No, it wasn't him who drove Kaoru away...it was not the fact that he spent all of his time with Haruhi and forgot his brother; is none of that. But somewhere deep inside he knows that it _is his fault. _

What is better? He wonders. Before they could barely stay seconds without each other but now it felt as if they could be anywhere _but with each other._ It doesn't matter anymore now, does it?

Can they change again? Can they instead of becoming strangers to each other start again, a new relationship, a different kind of brotherhood? Hikaru only wished they could. Because the smell of Kaoru is leaving the pillow that he hugs everyday, and when it does the last piece of Kaoru that he still posses will be gone...and he won't be able to survive through that. He can't lose the most important person to him just like that.

He sighed and got up, sulking was not the way to go. Maybe he was just overreacting and things were not that bad. _'Lie', _something inside him warned. He shook the thought away _**for the third time**_ from his mind and got out of his room, climbing down the stairs and going to the entrance of the house. He was thinking too much for nothing...he hoped.

He would wait for Kaoru and ask why the hell didn't he mentioned that he was going to spend the afternoon away. Hikaru already knew he would but the fact that Kaoru hid it from him made it worse.

Or maybe he was just angry and wanted to take it out on someone.

* * *

There are some days when you wish you didn't have to go home. Those days that the sun shone bright and the laughs were loud. Those days where your problems vanish even if just for a couple of hours. 

But you know, you just know that soon you will be forced to come home and face everything again. This is how Kaoru feels now. If he did not know that it would make Hikaru even angrier, he would just go to a hotel and stay there for a day or too.

He had such and entertaining day...it felt weird to go back home and face his problems and sadness. It seemed as if he was being torn in two. The happy Kaoru with new friends and goals in life; and the sad, in love Kaoru who only thought about Hikaru.

Before Kaoru could ponder on the matter any longer the limousine stopped announcing his arrival. He slowly opened the door and walked out, carrying some borrowed movies in one hand, his school jacket and bag in the other.

He passed through the iron gates of his home, some sakura petals flying over his way, being carried by wind. It was night and the moonlight gave everything a melancholic aspect, the only sounds he could hear was the rustling of the wind and his own footsteps.

Looking at his home he reconigzed the figure sitting by the hall's window. Hikaru was waiting for him. Though he knew his brother would be mad since he forgot to warn him about the get together he found himself smiling.

He laughed at his own reaction to just the sight of Hikaru. His palms turned sweaty, his breathing quickned a bit and his heart bit faster. He had missed Hikaru.

Entenring his house he hang the jacket and the bag on the hanger by the door and turned to see his twin. Hikaru looked at him with a angry expression, Kaoru smiled sheepshily at him and waited for the angry questions and statements he was sure it would come.

* * *

How could he fight with Kaoru when his brother smiled so innocently at him, appearing as he was waiting for the fight? He struggled to keep his intimidating composure though he was losing it by the second. 

"Where were you? Why didn't you tell me you were gonna spend the afternoon out?" Hikaru almost shouted and Kaoru flinched a bit. There was an ache in his chest when he saw that Kaoru got a bit scared by his behaviour but he dismissed it.

"I was with the same girls from the caffe. We had a movie session this afternoon...I am sorry I forgot I had not told you." He explained in a submissive way, his right hand holding his left upper arm in an anxious manner. But the smile remained in his face making almost impossible for Hikaru to remain angry.

"How could you forget to warn **your own brother**" He asked and that knocked the smile of Kaoru's face. The ache in his chest got worst but he ignored it. Kaoru looked down and answered.

"I am sorry Hikaru..._but it's not like your warn when you are going to spend the afternoon at Haruhi's house_." He whispered the last part, half of him hoping Hikaru heard and the other hal praying that he didn't.

"What?" He asked not actually having heard everything his brother said but knowing it must be bad for him to whisper. Kaoru shook his head and got his things from the hanger, directing himself to the stairs that led to his room.

"Nothing...I am tired, I am going to bed ok? Good night." He said quickly and left Hikaru standing there looking totally confused.

Hikaru sighed. He was tired too, but for completely different reasons.

* * *

It was past midnight and Kaoru couldn't sleep, this was one of the reasons why coming home always made him sad. He knew that after he did his mood would change and that no matter what he would not be that happy anymore once he is home. He would start thinking about life and that would take the happy thoughts away from him and not let him sleep. 

He sighed. The bed was cold and empty and everytime he moved the bed got colder and emptier. He stood up, this was useless. He would go back to Hikaru's room and ask to sleep there. Better face him again than not sleep at all.

He walked over his brother's room and shyly knocked on the door. He heard a sleepy "Open" being said and opened the door, looking at the bed. Two surprised orbs widened slightly after seeing him. He stood thee knowing that he didn't need words, that Hikaru knew why he was there for.

Hikaru moved a little to the edge of the bed and removed the blanket from the other side so Kaoru could climb in. Kaoru smiled sweetly a relived sigh leaving his lips. He climbed on the bed but still feeling a bit apprehensive because of his twin's earlier behaviour. He laid still and quiet, facing the ceiling.

He heard a chuckle and turned to see Hikaru's eyes shining with amusement. His brother put a hand on the bed, on the space between them, motioning Kaoru to move closer. Kaoru did and put his face on Hikaru's neck. He felt strong arms –well, stronger than his- encircle him and he sighed. Relieved and a little happier he slept peacefully and soon.

Hikaru watched him and the fact that he had Kaoru in his arms gave him hope. Even if just a bit. Maybe Hikaru was just overreacting and nothing had changed. He looked at Kaoru's peaceful sleeping form and smiled kindly. They were ok.

Or so he wanted to believe.


	7. Raindrops In Your Eyes

**A/N:**

**Mechanism Unknown: **Thanks --. It was kind of hard to write that chappie I am glad I could explain what's happening to them -. Please continue to read and review.

**Tandora: **I am so glad you like it so much --! New chapter here, please read and review.

**BokuraNoLoveStyle: **I am happy you love it and continue to review my chapters! Sorry about the grammar I try but somethings just slip ;--;. I think I found a beta though /o/. Who knows. Anyway xD read and review please.

**Kelshmo: **Oh my God I heard that music and so truly did fit in the ending D. I am glad yo think it is getting better and better. Hope you like and read and review this chappie .

**:D :** Thanks --. I am sorry about the parts you could not understan or grammar ;--; I really am. Please continue to read and review.

** Ok... I am seriously going to start begging now XD. I know it may seem like a lot but I would be really really please if you could all review. This story has been favorited 30 times and is on the story alert list of 40 other authors so if you could all review I would be so glad.**

**You are my motivation and one of the reasons as to why I write so if you could please review I would be glad. **

**Thank you.**

**Raindrops In Your Eyes**

Hikaru took a deep breath. Day three...I mean c'mon how many children's movies are there to be watched? He had not even seen his brother properly. He would go home, they would talk -cough fight cough- or not talk at all. At night they sleep together and then the circle is on again.

Truth is there is nothing wrong with what is happening. Not to normal people, but they are not like everybody else. Hikaru is feeling left behind and all the fighting he has been doing is just his way of saying that he wants to be part of his twin's life again.

"Maybe if you tried to understand what he is doing." Haruhi said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Why wasn't it obvious to Hikaru then?

They are at school, the bell has not rang yet and Kaoru is talking to the girls again, a bunch of dvds in their hands. They were laughing and making enthusiastic comments about some movie. Hikaru snorted at Haruhi's comments, as if he could ever understand what's so good about making new friends anyway? Isn't the Host Club enough? Isn't _he _enough?

"Hikaru, don't snort. I am sure that Kaoru would be more than glad to welcome you in the group." She said though she sounded as certain as he felt. "When you talked to him what did he say?" She asked.

"Oh...well...I haven't really...talked to him yet." He said and rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous manner. She rolled her eyes and he blushed a bit, a tiny smile of apology on his lips.

She started speaking again but he really didn't want to listen. He knew she would be right and the more she spoke about how he failed to express himself the more embarassed he felt, the blush high on his cheeks. He turned away, he wasn't trying to catch Kaoru's eyes or anything. Really.

But he did. And for a moment everything stopped. He didn't know why but he felt guilty. Guilty because he was talking to Haruhi instead of trying to work things out with Kaoru. For a second Kaoru's look seemed sad, but before Hikaru could ponder on the matter, his brother gave him a small smile and the bell rang. There goes the chance to talk to him...or at least to really _see _him.

The elder tried to get the youngest attention for the rest of the day, failling miserably. Kaoru seemed to be always busy and the few times they talked there was always someone around. He would have to use the Host Club to get closer.

"You are early today Hikaru." Kaoru said, a curious glance towards me. I simply sat down by his side like always and watched as the customers seemed to cast me the same curious looks.

"No, this is our real schedule; I just have been late all the other times." Hikaru simply said and it appeared as if he had said the most amazing or terrifying thing ever. Kaoru and the costumers were wide eyed.

"Besides" He said, the acting starting. "If I continue to stay away more people will try to steal you from me." He said, looking at the girls before turning to his brother, putting a hand on his waist and another slowly caressing his cheek.

He blushed deeply, and for a moment seemed to forget about acting, confusing Hikaru. On the next moment though, his hand was ontop of his brother's, a sweet smile on his face, his body getting closer. Hikaru fought the urge to close his eyes and bury his head on the crook of Kaoru's neck. He missed his brother.

"I was only giving you time to spend with Haruhi-kun because you two seem to be getting along so well lately..." Kaoru said, head bent down, tiny tears shinning on the corner of his eyes.

"Time spent without you is time completely wasted Kaoru." Hikaru said, doubting that there was any acting on his words or on the action that followed. Kaoru stared at him before he smiled again, broadly this time, a small blush reaching his cheeks. Hikaru approached, their foreheads touching, his hand still caressing Kaoru's cheek.

Their act remained peaceful for the rest of the day, they laughed and talked normally in a way they had not done in weeks...months even.

* * *

They had quite a calm day today. No fights, no glaring, just hanging out; so for now they were happy to be sitting by the window, doing nothing but resting with their mouths shut. Kaoru was glad that the rain was pouring, thanks to it the girl decided to just go home for today instead of doing_ another _get together. He was picking things up finally...their jokes, their history...but there were days like todays and times like now that he felt like drowing in his in jokes and history. Times in which he wanted to _just be._

Kaoru watched the rain fall. Was it weird to find the pouring rain absolutely beautiful? It was not raining too hard, the soft noise of the water falling turning into a child's lullaby.

The street lamps iluminated the almost invisble water and made it shine, for a moment or too Kaoru wondered if it was really water that was falling, maybe it was something else, something precious, like diamonds or crystals of some kind.

He wished he could go outside and stand underneath the pouring water. Maybe if he did he would shine too, he would be beautiful, he would perhaps be able to catch his brother's attention even if it was just this once.Sighing at the thought he decided to observe the sky instead of the rain; for it was slowly making him sad.

The sky was a dark blue, there were few stars spread through it – he wondered briefly if the shiny water came from them. He wished there were more stars for him to look at, but realized the sky was beautiful too, with or without the stars.

There was a fine line of grey above the city, obviously because of the polution, but right now the grey seemed to mix with the rain and the stars and change color, the whole cenario looked like a delayed twilight, or a never ending one.

Unfortunately he could not take part into that wonderful scene, he was stuck inside his mansion, watching and watching. Maybe someday he would be able to shine as much as the rain and the stars and him too would become part of that amazing view. Maybe if he convinced Hikaru to let him out...

* * *

Ok. Something was definetely wrong now. God, hadn't Hikaru decided that everything was fine? That they were fine. But they are obviously _not _fine, for they have been sitting across from each other on the windowsill for at least one hour and a half and not even one word had been spoken.

Slightly irritated, Hikaru observed his twin. Kaoru looked perfect under the moonlight, his pale skin seemed as if it was glowing, the little freckles in his cheeks becoming more visible, making him look like a sweet and small child.

He wished he could touch Kaoru's pensive visage, for he was sure that right now, he looked absolutely nothing like his brother. Maybe if he touched Kaoru he would become a little be more like him, maybe he would be able to enter his mind if only just for a moment. Hikaru sighed, knowing it is not possible to enter a person's mind just by touching said person.

He decided to look into the two orbs that lately had been intriguing him pratically all day. It was shinning as much as Kaoru himself was. The honey on it was darker than usual, but that was normal for his eyes darkned every time he was immersed into deep thoughts. His pupils seemed to be carrying sparks in them, for they beamed like the stars on the sky.

Unfortunately for him, he could not guess what was making his brother's eyes show more emotion than they ever did, he could not discover what thoughts were going through his mind. But maybe...maybe if he talked to Kaoru, asked him about how he is doing or something maybe he could get close to him again...

"Hikaru can we go-"

"Kaoru, I was thinking-"

They both began but none of them continued. Hikaru looked down, rubbing the nape of his neck in embarassement; Kaoru had blushed slightly and the twinkle in his eyes seemed to have increased, for some reason seeing Kaoru like that made Hikaru smile affectionately and almost forget what he was about to say. He took so long to actually open his mouth that Kaoru spoke first.

"Hikaru...I know it's weird but can we go outside?" He asked shyly, biting his lower lip in a nervous manner, driving Hikaru entire attention to his mouth. Hikaru shook his head, not really knowing what had gotten into him.

"But it's raining..." He said with an eyebrow raised and looked briefly at the pouring water. "And besides, I was thinking if maybe...you wanted to watch one of your movies with me or something." He said, avoiding his twin's eyes.

"I did love to." Kaoru said in a voice so silky soft that Hikaru had to look at him. There it was. _That look _again. Hikaru took a deep breath and was about to ask which movie before Kaoru spoke first, again. "But I really, really wanted to go outside. I know it's raining but...I just..." He stopped talking, biting his lips again, trying to find the right words.

"Fine. But only if we can watch something together afterwards and only for a little bit, I don't want us getting sick." Hikru said as he stood up and stretched his arms. Kaoru's smiled went from ear to ear and he nodded eagerly. In truth he was just so absolutely happy that Hikaru was by his side, caring for him, for his health and most of all; wanting his company.

They both climbed down the stairs slowly, in a comfortable silence instead of an awkward one. The maids were nowhere in sight – thank God- otherwise they would not let the twins go outside under the rain.

As soon as the double ront doors opened, the inner child in Kaoru came out to play. He ran to the front yard of their house, stopping in the middle of it and spinning quickly with both arms wide open, a loud laugh leaving his pink lips. It seemed as if he had switched rolls with Hikaru; the elder one not coming out to play this once, afraid that maybe if he acted on impulse like every other single time in his life, things would go wrong. Kaoru and Haruhi taught him something after all.

Hikaru just stood under the dry porch and laughed at his brother's silliness. Kaoru stopped spinning and ended up falling from his dizzyness, he rolled on the grass and laughed, holding his belly with both hands. He looked totally adorable like that, cheeks flushing from the lack of air, eyes glimmering more than before and mout opened to let the sounds leave his throat.

"Are you just going to stand there?" Kaoru asked, bringing his brother back to Earth, before he could answer Kaoru was already up and walking towards him, grabbing him by one hand and dragging both of them under the rain. Unfortunately he was still a bit dizzy and dazed from laughing so hard, and since he was walking backwards he fell, Hikaru falling along with him, on top of him.

They both laughed at that, rolling off of each other, their clothes already soaked and clinging to them. Hikaru punched Kaoru's arms playfully and Kaoru did the same, both redheads started play-fighting, Hikaru, knowing Kaoru was a very ticklish person, decided to use it against it.

They ended up in the very same position they fell into. Hikaru on top of Kaoru, the elder tickling the younger that only laughed and writhed underneath Hikaru. Laughing softly Hikaru stopped, allowing his brother to breathe.

And all of the sudden the playful mood changed completely.

Kaoru was panting hard as he tried to breathe, his cheeks and neck were really flushed, his eyes wth the soft expression and something esle Hikaru couldn't quite put his finger on it. His hair was disheveled and spread around his head and his clothes were soaked, outlining the contours of his body.

For some reason even as the minutes passed Kaoru continued panting, not as hard as before but still panting. Apparently Hikaru had joined him. The younger smiled a shy smile, blushing for different motives; and slowly, as if afraid, lifted one hand and touched the other's cheek.

Hikaru contained a shiver at the thought touch and did the same, staring into his brother's eyes the entire time. He touched Kaoru's entire face, from his forehead to his eyes as they closed, the eyelashes softly tickling his skin. He rubbed his thumb through one of his brother's cheeks, looking at it as it seemed to gain an even stronger color. Finally he reached what he apparently subconsciouly was looking for. Kaoru's lips. As the tip of his fingers touched Kaoru's partially open lips the other shivered and his breathing seemed to quicken.

Kaoru's lips were so soft under his fingers, they were slightly bruised because of Kaoru's biting and were also redder than normal. He wished he knew how soft it would be if he...

And his body concluded the thought for him, he removed his hand, replacing it with his own lips, fluttering his eyes close as the softness of their kiss invaded and clouded his mind. It was a merely brush, a soft peck, but yet it seemed as if suddenly it had stopped raining, as if time had stopped ticking and the world stopped. Kaoru eagerly returned it, pressing their mouths closer and harder, and that seemed to click something inside Hikaru's head.

Then elder opened his eyes wide and immediately broke the kiss, trying to stand up and falling again, staring at his brother who seemed to be as scared as he felt.

'_What have I done?' _

* * *

**A/N: Ok... I am seriously going to start begging now XD. I know it may seem like a lot but I would be really really please if you could all review. This story has been favorited 30 times and is on the story alert list of 40 other authors so if you could all review I would be so glad.**

**You are my motivation and one of the reasons as to why I write so if you could please review I would be glad. **

**Thank you.**


	8. Fighting and a Question

**A/N:**

**mistress of mist****:** Thaaanks! I had this inspiration moment walking back home when it was rainning XD! I arrived home, ran to the computer and the chapter poured out of me lolz. Glad you liked it please continue to read and review!

**BokuraNoLoveStyle****: **I am so glad you found it cute! I just thought it would be perfect, the kiss, the rain...besides, with Hikaru distracted the kiss is more likely to happen ;D. Anyway, please review again! Sorry for the delay DX.

**O:** : I am so happy you loved it! Wrote it, please review after you read !

**me love anime:** It has to take time otherwise there is no fun in it ;D. Please read and review!

You guuyys ;--;, I am sorry for taking so long, for being such a lousy delayed ficwriter but things are very crazy for me this year. I'll explain, you can read or ignore XD.

It's like this: in Brazil on the last year of highschool we do a test. It's called 'vestibular' and we have to do one for each college we want to study in. This test has about 90 questions on the first phase, about every subject. The problem is, every subject from every year! So you have to review all the junior and high school years DX. Not to mention the second phase that is different and it's not multiple choices, you have to develop your answer.

So I have been studying like crazy doing a thing called 'cursinho' which is a course that resumes all the junior and high school subjects and all of my free time is, well...I haven't really got a free time anymore -cries-, and what I got I try to balance with friends too.

Also I wrote this chapter listening to Bach - Cello Suite, I know it is sort of weird since it is classical music, but, if you remember most of Ouran soundtrack is classical-like. Besides the cello is played so beautifully and t really fits in the last part of the fanfic. I recommend to listen while reading. Or you can just ignore me XD.

So, to all, **sorry for the delay**, hope you understand and **reviewww!**

**--**

**Fighting and a Question.**

Without stopping to think Hikaru stormed inside the house, stopping at the hall, his hair still disheveled from the play-fighting and the soft rain. His breathing deeper and quicker than ever, his heart racing and the blood seemed to be pounding in his head. His lips burned, they burned and they ached and it hurt, and it confused him.

It marked him, it made him sinful, wrong and disgusting. He kissed his twin.

_**He fucking kissed his twin!**_

How could he have done such thing? What drove him to do it?! It was insane, sick, absurd. It was an _act. _That is the only reasonable explanation, he got confused and his act comes so naturally that he kissed his brother.

He knows it's a lie, still he can't help but fool himself.

Unfortunately he does not have the opportunity to be convinced by his own theory because Kaoru is already there, shyly standing by the door, dripping wet like he must be, eyes searching Hikaru's, pleading for forgiveness, small droplets of water forming on the corner of his eyes and Hikaru simply **cannot** ignore the fact that _**those are not raindrops**__._

"Hikaru I'm-"

"What?! Sorry?! Well good, you should be. I _just knew_ going outside would mean trouble but nooo! You _had to stand_ underneath the fucking rain!" Hikaru cut him, attacking him like usual. Kaoru's eyes hardened and lost it's guilty glint.

"Oh , so now it's my fault?! I am sorry but I must remind you that it was _you_ that kissed _me_ - not the other way around." Kaoru said, throwing in Hikaru's face exactly what he did not want to remember. There was a headache slowly building up so he rubbed his temples pacing back and forth.

"It wasn't me who continued though." The elder twin pointed out, his voice slitghly higher than usual, his eyes piercing and accusing. Kaoru's anger increased, than it decreased a bit, sharing space with sorrow.

"Right. In the end it's all my fault. You know what Hikaru? I am tired, tired of fighting with you...things are always my fault. If I suddenly decide to _have a life with other friends _then I am the one leaving you behind, not you! Never you. I never complained when all those times you _forgot me _at school and I had to _walk home. _I didn't start the kiss in the rain...yet it's my fault! Because I continued! But the only reason I did that is because I l-" But he stopped, clamping his mouth shut and swallowing hard.

Hikaru stared at him. He knew, or at least he thought he knew what he had _almost _heard. Closing his eyes and shaking his head, he remained silent. Kaoru shook his head several times, finally looking away rom Hikaru's eyes.

"I was never more sorry in my life, than I am now H-Hikaru." He said, voice soft and sad. Trembling, broken. And before Hikaru could feel the pain and run to comfort Kaoru, the other redhead had already left the hall and ran to his room.

Hikaru stayed there, soaking wet. Atrer getting tired of standing he sat on the floor, head hung in shame. All those things Kaoru said...were true.

' _I never complained when all those times you__** forgot me**__ at school and I had to __**walk home**__.'_

He shut his eyes and swallowed as hard as his twin had done a few moments ago. There was a huge lump in his throat, burning in the back of his eyes, and he could _feel _how much Kaoru had fought the tears at that moment.

Unconsciously, a finger brushed through Hikaru's lips. It still burned, but in a different way. He could still recall what if had felt like. The lips, the closeness, the rain, Kaoru's scent, his twinkling eyes, how his heart raced when the kiss was responded.

Groaning in anger and frustration Hikaru let some tears escape his eyes. He was flushing in anger, angry at himself, at Kaoru...flushed from the memory, from the feel. From _how fucking good _it was.

What would he do now? Who would he run to, with a situation like this? He couldn't tell Haruhi, or anyone for that matter. How do you tell someone that you have _just kissed your twin brother? _What will he do now? Now that he can't talk to Kaoru.

And even though he was still angry, wanting to forget the moment more than anything else...he still misses his twin. Hugging his knees and resting his head on top of them Hikaru just decides to stop thinking.

And even though he does not think, he can still _feel _and the tears just keep on _falling._

--

Kaoru simply sat on the windowsil of his bedroom and watched the rain slowly get heavier, tears pouring from his eyes as well. Oh...how he had hoped. How many feelings went through him on the tiny second that their lips met? He couldn't even _begin _to count.

He had hoped and wished for a moment that Hikaru had forgotten or would forget about Haruhi...and the fact that they _are twins._ Maybe, just for a night he would know what it would be like to be Hikaru's...lover.

He shivered and blushed hard a the thought, kicking himself mentally right after wondering about it. What was the point anyway? He knew it would never happen, especially not _now. _

'_Sorry?! Well good, you should be. I just knew going outside would mean trouble'_

That was what Kaoru had become in Hikaru's life...trouble. That was all he had resumed himself to. Ever since he decided to have a life that was what he became. Trouble.

From far away Kaoru could hear his own sobs getting louder. Getting up and tripping his way to the bed, he grabbed his pillow, muffling the sounds. He just felt so drained. And in a way he agreed with Hikaru. Why did he have to go into the fucking rain?

But who was he kidding anyway? The reason he wanted to was, after all, to _get his brother's attention._ He sure got it. But what is the price for such attention? His entire relationship with his twin?

In the end, he wondered, would it be worth it? Would anything good come out of the discovery of his hidden, sinful feelings? Probably not.

'_Of course not. He will never love you...idiot.'_

_--_

The day after their 'incident' was as awkward as it could have been. At first they tried to go back to their routine, Kaoru walking his way to school, now with a couple of friends that decided to adopt this new 'commoner-like lifestyle' as they called it; Hikaru went to Haruhi's house, fighting with Tamaki to decide who would take her to school.

To those that weren't very close to the Hitachiins nothing had changed.

To all the members of the Host Club, something drastic and horrendous had happened. The twins were acting normal, but there were big purple bags under Kaoru's puffy eyes, is smile was – to them – obviously faked, he was paying less attention to classes, and not talking to the hosts. Hikaru had the same bags under his puffy eyes, he was laughing and joking a lot less, and – to everyone's surprise – he barely tried payed attention to Haruhi.

And, to their worry, as the day went by things only got weirder. Kaoru started to _avoid Hikaru at all costs - _being avoided in return. The younger sat without glancing once at Hikaru, when he was not at the bathroom or busy with something he was talking to his new friends.

"We should totally see Ratatouille today!" One of the girls surrounding Kaoru said, they took every opportunity they had to talk, including the break between classes, in which they were now.

"Agreed! I watched it on the movie theather and it was like, the cutest and most beautiful child's movie I have ever seen. Disney really did it this time." Her best friend mentioned while nodding fervently.

"What do you think about it Kaoru-kun?" The girl asked, and Kaoru, hearing his name, momentarily was brought back to reality.

"Huh? I am sorry girls, I am so distracted today." He said, blushing slightly, smiling apologetically. Worried looks were directed towards him and he tried to come up with an excuse. "I was just thinking that I used to do all of my schoolwork in the afternoon and I sort of have a lot left to do now, since I started going to your get togethers." He lied but thank God, they bought it.

"You know what Kaoru-kun? You're right. I have got a bunch of schoolwork to do and I am feeling a little left behind in Math. I seriously need to study." Math. His brother is good at math, he always taught Kaoru. Not anymore though.

"How about a study group then?" One of them suggested and the redhead had to fight the urge to roll his eyes, don't these people know how to spend _one goddamend day by themselves? _But then again, he could not judge the girls since he barely manages to stay away from Hikaru.

"I am sorry girls but I can never manage to actually study when I am surrounded by friends." He said, chuckling in embarassement, they all laughed and agreed.

Apparently Kaoru was not the only one using the study excuse. Hikaru sat on his chair, reading some random book, well..._pretending to read._ Haruhi, who seats by his side, was staring at him, wondering what the hell had happened this time.

"Hikaru." She called out. He looked at her and raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to speak. "What was the fight about this time?" She asked, God the girl can read people.

'_Oh, I kissed my twin and then put the blame on him and now he is simply avoiding me and, me, being the child I am, decided to do the same.' _He thought and shook his head right afterwards, he can't tell the truth.

"What fight?" She glared at him.

"The latest fight you had with Kaoru. I mean, this past weeks have been a bit crazy for you but today...it is like you are ignoring each other's presence." She stated and he couldn't deny she was right.

"We...I...I just don't know what to do." He said, staring at the floor. Truth to be told he does not feel sorry for having kissed his twin. He feels sorry for the fight, for blaming him. Of course the kiss is confusing but right now their discussion afterwards is worrying Hikaru more.

"About...?" She tried to pry it out of him, unfortunately for her, the teacher entered the classroom, another class began. Hikaru sighed in relief and looked away from her. He could see from the corner of his eyes as his twin sat by her other side and avoided his gaze.

Hikaru spent all morning thinking about his actions. He had come to the realization that the only reason why he stopped and ran off was because he was scared. He didn't feel disgust by it, not even now. And...it had _felt so good _to have his twin _so near, _to see his eyes twinkle again, to hear his laughter, see him smile and blush and play. Just thinking about it made him smile.

Of course he knows it is wrong what he did though. They are brothers, twins. It's incest and morally wrong. Still he can't ignore the way his heart races wen he remembers, he can't stop himself from glancing at his brother, at his lips.

Maybe if they ignore what happen and try again, maybe there is still salvation for them. He only hopes Kaoru gives him the chance to make it up to him, he owns Hikaru a movie session anyway.

--

"But Kyoya senpai! I can't simply act today, it's just...impossible." Kaoru tried to convince his senpai that he had to get out early.

"Kaoru just tell me what happened." He ordered more than he actually asked. Kaoru sighed. It's not like he has a reason to hide anything from Kyoya, when Hikaru started chasing after Haruhi the other offered him rides – which he took- and often heard his complaints or wiped his tears. Thanks to that he learnt that Kyoya may _look mean, _but his heart is made of gold and he _really is _their mother. Or acts like it.

"He...he k-kissed me." He stuttered. Kaoru expected at least a shocked/disgust expression but Kyoya only raised an eyebrow.

"That's it?" He asked, his voice carried a tone of boredoom. Kaoru's jaw dropped.

"T-that's it?! Senpai! _He kissed me_! And then started fighting with me like it was all my fault..." He said, voice softening, eyes downcast. Kyoya pushed up his glasses.

"So that was the real problem. He fought with you. You should be used to this by now, you know how temperamental your brother can be. Just give him time and he will come to his senses." Kyoya said and resumed back to typping. Kaoru blinked a few times before asking, well, almost whispering a question.

"You don't think it's disgusting? Or wrong, sinful-"

"I would with anyone else, but I know both of you, it's...different." Kyoya said. Kaoru knows what he meant, he knows how close the twins are, he understands them, besides it's not his life so he should not put his finger in it. "You can both be dismissed early today, I will make arrangements for next week with the customers, just don't do it again."

Kaoru smiled and thanked him, he knows how much trouble this is causing their Shadow King, he is grateful that Kyoya is willing to help.

--

Hikaru was so glad that Kaoru had managed to get them the day off. He just could not act today. Not when he actually _knows _what it feels like to kiss his twin, not when that's the only thing he has been thinking about since the past day.

But, to his own surprise he managed to come up with a plan to spend time with Kaoru today. At lunch break he had called one of his maids and asked them to get the movie he heard Kaoru and the girls talking about.

He had everything on standby, if Kaoru watched the movie with him he had maids waiting an order to make the popcorn, get the cokes, sweets, everything they needed and whatever else Kaoru wanted.

With the dvd in his hands, he slowly made his way towards his twin's bedroom, taking a few deep breaths he knocked on the door.

"Kaoru, it's me...open up. Please..." He murmured the last word, but somehow he got the impression his brother listened. After a few seconds the doorknob turned and Kaoru stood there in front of him, eyes showing fear.

Hikaru smiled softly, feeling guilty for making his brother fear him. "You said you would watch a movie with me. You owe me." He said, a smirk forming on his lips as the twinkle in Kaoru's eyes slowly returned.

The younger looked at his brother's hands and smiled openly, recognizing the movie. When he looked back at Hikaru's eyes the other had to take a deep breath. His eyes were shinning with some unknown emotion to Hikaru. It was _that look. _The elder smiled, he was begining to like this look, it made him feel a bit light headed, happy.

They walked to the small movie room, (more like a smaller movie theather), and the food was already there, waiting for them. The movie was about to star when Kaoru pressed 'pause' and hesitantly looked at Hikaru.

Hikaru stared back, confusion in his face. Kaoru bit his lower lip in nervouness, a blush spreading in his cheeks, reaching his neck and chest, without noticing the elder twin had started breathing faster, his eyes travelling through Kaoru's form.

"Hikaru, I know I should not ask but...why did you kiss me yesterday?"

--

**A/N: Reviewww!**


	9. Belonging

**A/N:**

I am sorry you guys, but as explained on my other Ouran fanfic, I've got no time to answer each review, I do however have time to thank you (thank you thank you so very much!) for being so patient with me and reading my fanfic despite all this delay and my ridiculous problems. Anyway, hope you enjoy it! And review please.

**---**

**Belonging.**

"_Hikaru...why did you kiss me yesterday?"  
_

Hikaru's eyes widened and his breath quickned, he was hoping his brother would simply forget it ever happen and let it go; he should have known that is not the way Kaoru does things. He slowly distanced himself from Kaoru and stood up. The younger brother sensed that something was off and tried to fix it.

"Look...wait...just don't freak out, please. I am just asking...please." He said, voice soft and understanding eyes, right hand reching foward as he tried to bring Hikaru closer again.

The elder redhead stared at his twin, the blush still high in his cheeks, his lips even more kissable than the previous day, and despite all of his braveness by asking Hikaru why, his hands were shaking a tiny little bit which showed how scared he must be of them fighting again.

Sighing, Hikaru sat in their couch again, staring anywhere but at his brother's eyes, trying to desperatly find an answer. "I...I don't know Kaoru." He answered lamely, it wasn't a lie though, he really had no idea what possessed him.

"See...that wasn't so hard was it?" His brother careflly joked, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips, Hikaru looked at him and smiled too, a hand involuntarily raising to run through his brother's hair, it stopped midway when Hikaru realized what he was doing. Kaoru chuckled and nodded his head forward, like a cat asking to be petted.

Hikaru smiled shyly, a soft pink hue appearing in his own cheeks as his hand ran through Kaoru's soft locks, his brother's eyes closed and he leaned in Hikaru's direction, an almost inaudible sigh escaping his lips.

"You..." Hikaru began, swallowing the lump that sunddenly formed in his throat as he tried to understand his own mixed up mind and feelings. Kaoru's eyes had opened again, shinning brightly at him. Hikaru leaned forward, his forehead against his twin's, he closed his eyes, unable to stare at the other any longer. "You looked so happy, I wanted to be part of that to." _'Like I haven't been in these past weeks...' _he thought. "And you were so close..." '_So breathtakingly beautiful.' _He slapped himself mentally for that.

"That doesn't make sense you know?" Kaoru whispered and Hikaru forced his body not to shiver; instead, he opened his eyes and stared at his twin's, _the look _was there again, piercing through his soul. Kaoru smiled sweetly and chuckled, his breath mingling with Hikaru's, making them realize just how close they were.

In any other time with anyone else this would've been awkward, but with Kaoru it wasn't, specially when the younger brushed their noses and laughed like a child.

"We are good right?" Hikaru asked, smiling bright now. Kaoru nodded fervently and smiled again, widely and happily.

"Of course," He said as he pushed Hikaru and the elder slowly layed on the couch, Kaoru above him, chin coming to rest on Hikaru's chest. "and we will always be. No matter what." He said and turned away from Hikaru, putting the movie to play and laying his head on his twin's chest.

Truthfully Hikaru can't remember a thing about that afternoon, except the way Kaoru felt in his arms, the way his scent smelled heavenly like vanilla and jasmine, how soft Kaoru's hair were, how silky like they felt when Hikaru touched them.

He can't remember ever being so at peace and happy.

---

Kaoru wasn't acting normal, he knew he wasn't. But how could he anyway? All he could think about was Hikaru's words, caresses, even if they had been just brotherly...but he still hoped. And it had been such a perfect afternoon, he wished he could have stayed in it.

The girls around him were talking loud, some gossiping, others flirting with a guy from the other class while the bell didn't rang. He was twirling a pencil distractedly, a small smile on his lips.

"Someone's happy today." One of the girls mentioned and suddenly the group's attention was on him. He blushed and chuckled nervously. The girls had weird knowing looks in their eyes, one of them smirking at him, waiting for the juicy details.

"I just...had a nice dream last night." God. Why couldn't he come up with a better lie?

"Yeah right. Come on, do tell us what got you smiling so prettily." A redheaded one –Misato, if he remember correctly - said, sitting on his table.

"Yes, do tell us." A brunette repeated and Kaoru felt himself shrink in the chair. '_Good lie, good lie, good lie..."_

"Well...It's just that..." Oh Hell, let's just edit the truth shall we? "Hikaru and I have been fighting a lot and going home was starting to get really awkward but yesterday we kind of made a truce. It was nice not fight all the time I guess. We are twins after all..." He said, feeling like he was on display. The girls seemed to ponder on the matter, the fangirl part of them squealing excitedly.

"Well, I am glad you guys are ok. _It's _weird seeing you two fighting." Misato said and they all agreed, settling the matter, a few more minutes of small talk and the bell rang, the teacher arrived and Kaoru was left in peace.

He ignored the happiness he felt when Hikaru sat beside him instead of the other side of Haruhi, mentally slapping himself several times as he tried –and many times failing- to not look at Hikaru.

'_Control yourself...don't ruin it, yesterday was nothing.' _He said the words in his head over and over again, though he wasn't managing to convince himself.

---

Ok, there was no way he was going to focus on anything today. First, second and now third class had come and gone and he was still twirling the pencil or staring at nowhere. He couldn't stop thinking about how it could work and at the same time how much he should protect himself in case all of what he had seen and felt from Hikaru were nothing more but extreme brotherly affection.

_But the kiss..._

_Oh the kiss._ Kaoru closes his eyes for brief seconds as he remembers it. God it had felt so good, so sinfully good to have Hikaru on top of him, his body outlined by the wet clothes, his soft, red lips...

'_Get a grip Kaoru!'_

The younger shook his head a bit too fervently, drawing attention from some girls to him. He could feel his cheeks burning up, in part because he was embarassed for acting like this in school and in part because he felt his entire body heat up when he remembered _it._

Sighing he did his best to pay attention to class.

---

Hikaru felt...odd. He had not talked to Haruhi the entire morning, except for a small talk at lunch, other than that nothing. Yet he didn't miss her like he used to, like he should. Something had changed, and he had no idea how and when exactly.

_Hmm...I would guess on the day you kissed Kaoru. Just a hunch._

His conscience was a bitch, he thought as he fought the heat that built up in him everytime he remembered that or yesterday afternoon. Unlike Kaoru, Hikaru had done everything possible to avoid thinking about it. If he did then he would have to make up his mind and acept the fact that _he wants to kiss and hold Kaoru again...and again, and again._

_And God forbid you ever do acept it. That would be outrageous!_

Argh, can't the Host Club open their doors fifteen minutes earlier? Does he really have to wait all of this time doing nothing? Surely there must be something to get him out of his boredoom.

Ever heard the phrase 'Be careful with what you wish for'? Yeah, Hikaru hadn't.

Vanilla and jasmine perfume filled his mind as Kaoru approached him and Hikaru had to fight for every cell in his body to stay in place, for him not to pull Kaoru and hold him again.

"Ne Hikaru...we didn't practice our act for today...should we come up with something now?" Kaoru asked as he sat on his usual spot, really close to Hikaru.

"It's too late for that don't you think? And we can always improvise." He said and smiled, getting closer. They seemed to be doing that lately, as if they were magnets.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right." Kaoru said, while Hikaru - not really thinking straight with his brother so close - shook his head in an atempt to clear it. The Host Club doors opened and the girls came in, some of them were Kaoru's friends and were waving excitedly at him who only laughed and smiled.

The elder smiled too as he observed his brother interacting with others so well. Though he didn't like how close this girls were getting...what if Kaoru eventually liked one of them? A small alarm went off in Hikaru's mind as he eyed the girls closely, they were all happily talking to Kaoru, who answered the question with a honest smile.

He never truly smiled at the Host Club to others...only to Hikaru.

The alarms got louder in his head and he stopped smiling. What if Kaoru liked one of these girls? Was that the reason he was often going to their houses? Maybe to see a particular girl? Which one of them could she be?

"Nii-san..." Kaoru said, cocking his head to the side and staring at Hikaru. 'Nii-san', he only called Hikaru that at the Host Club, apparently the girls thought it was 'kinky'. Weird fangirls. "You're quiet, is something wrong?" A warm hand covered his and Hikaru took a deep breath.

_Improvise, improvise..._

"You wouldn't know, would you?" The elder asks, a bit rudely, the girls watching suddenly holding their breaths, afraid of another fight. Kaoru looks scared as well, his eyes widened slightly and Hikaru almost regrets being so harsh. "Haven't I told you once that all you need to look at is me?" He asked and glared quickly at the girls, Kaoru blushed prettily, a draft of a smile forming on his lips and disappearing as fast as it appeared. He turned his head away, the tip of his fingers touching his plush red lips. It took all of Hikaru's self-control –which really isn't much- not to lick his own –suddenly dry- lips.

"I'm s-sorry Hikaru...It's just that...I thought you wanted to spend some more time with other people..." He said, bluntly gazing at Haruhi and then returning his gaze to the floor. "So I gave you space." He said in a small voice.

Hikaru approached him, not yet turning his face so he could stare at the hazel orbs and whispered – not too low so the fangirls could hear – in his ear. "I don't want space from you, you are the only person I want to spend all of my time with."

Part true, part lie. He truly does want that but at the same time he wants the space that Kaoru is so willingly giving him, simply because if he spends more than two seconds alone with his twin he will start remembering the kiss and wanting to do it again.

Kaoru's head turned just a bit, watching Hikaru from the corner of his eyes, tip of the fingers still touching his mouth. "Look at me Kaoru." That often happened, and he knew what to do now. Eventully it would lead to soft whispers and girls fainting.

The younger twin turned his head completely away, both of his hands grabbing the chair as he pretended to make a big effort to avoid Hikaru's request. "I said look at me..." Hikaru softly says, long fingers holding his twin's chin and turning it 'against the other's will'.

Only one miscalculated move...Hikaru was still too close to Kaory, closer than the other times...

_Oh crap._

Both eyes widened and mad squeals could be heard as all of the eyes in the Host Club suddenly turned to them. They were kissing. It was a almost nonexistent brush of lips but it was a kiss nonetheless.

---

Ok, so he had to do the thinking because apparently if it depended on his big brother they would stay frozen forever; he almost moaned at the thought, he wouldn't mind that _at all. _Well, they couldn't stay like that for all eternity but that didn't mean he couldn't get _something _out of the moment...

He pressed his lips against Hikaru's just a tad more, his eyes closing, enjoying how soft they felt, how he could feel his entire body tingle in response. As if that wasn't enough he felt – though with hesitation- his brother pressing back and he fought not to open his eyes wide in shock or purr in delight –though a small pleased sound did escape him, but it was really really inaudible...sort of.

After what felt like two minutes but in reality it had been just three seconds he broke away, body flushed, eyes half-lidded. He felt heavy and it seemed as if his senses had just been intensified. He stared deeply into Hikaru's eyes, seeing the question but also how dilated they were from the kiss. "You are the only person I want to spend all of my time too _Hikaru_..." He breathed his twin's name, watching as he tensed but deciding not to worry about it right now.

He could hear the chaos on the room, Tono's loud screams, Kyoya's dark purple aura, girls fainting...he just didn't care. He buried his head in the crook of his brother's neck and sighed, leaning his entire body against the other, revelling on his warmth.

Sighing happily he closed his eyes as a strong and familiar arm encirdled his waist possessively, a hot breath on his ear.

---

He does not regret what he did, it was the only thing he could have done. Of course, if he knew how the Shadow King would react he would've thought about it twice before _actually kissing _his brother in front of the entire Host Club. Kyoya stood by the door, waiting for everyone to leave, his eyes fixed on both Hikaru and Kaoru, letting them know that they weren't leaving anytime soon.

"Hikaru, why don't you go home? I can handle this." Kaoru whispered, not looking at Hikaru, afraid to break the eye contact with Kyoya.

"I will not leave you alone with him." He shook his head several times, eyes narrowing at Kyoya. Everyone left, the bespectacled boy closed the doors and glared at the twins, eyes shinning dangerously with fury.

"I do not want to hear a word, a cry or a protest. What you did today is unacceptable." He began, voice low, words bitter.

"It was noth-"

"Nothing?!" He cut Hikaru off, Kaoru did the same, putting a hand on his brother's arm, preventing him from doing anything but breathing. "What if someone took a picture? What if it gets out that the twins kissed? Do you know what would happen to you if a word of this got out?" Kyoya asked his many questions, Kaoru and Hikaru's eyes widening as they thought about it.

"No you have got no idea. I have too much damage control to do today thanks to your antics. If you ever do this again I will make sure that Tamaki agrees to let both of you go. And trust me, it will be for your own good." Kyoya finished, grabbed his things and brusquely opened the door for them, they left silently.

---

The ride home was awkward and uncomfortable, Hikaru supported his chin on his hand and stared out the window the whole way. Kaoru opened and closed his mouth many times, not having a clue on what to say to mend this. Tears gathered on the corner of his eyes and he wiped them discretely many times.

When they arrived home Kaoru rushed out of the limo, quickly walking to his room, head bowed and hunched shoulders. He opened and closed the door in a fast motion, throwing his bag next to his bed and pacing nervously around the room.

Things were definetely screwed now. Or so he thought.

A soft banging sound could be heard and Kaoru looked at the door with frightned eyes, he had forgotten to lock it; before he could hurry his steps the door had alreayd opened, equal honey colored eyes meeting in a tense moment.

Hikaru quietly entered and closed the door, his eyes far way just like his mind, he seemed to be pondering something, thinking deeply about a subject he could not comprehend. He finally faced Kaoru, an intense gaze on his younger brother that blushed under his twin's scrutiny.

"Hi-Hikaru I know what you're thinking, I'll fix it, don't worry, I am sorry, I am so so sorry." He babbled, nervou, eyes looking everywhere, hands opening and closing into fists as he talked, Hikaru shook his head a couple of times and stepped foward.

He took hold of his younger bother's wrist, breathing heavy, he stepped foward many times, driving Kaoru to a corner the redhead's back pressed against the wall and quickly said. "You don't know what I am thinking...don't be sorry." Before Kaoru had time to process what Hikaru had said warm, soft lips fell upon his and Kaoru stopped thinking and moving altogether.

Hikaru was kissing him. _Hikaru was kissing him!_

Kaoru's eyes fell shut and his body turned limp as he returned the kiss, feeling his twin's lips slowly move with his own, their hands finding their places in the other's neck and waist, bodies getting impossibly closer and glueing to each other. Hikaru licked Kaoru's lower lip making the other shiver and sigh in delight, mouth opening automatically.

Oh..._oh...Hikaru..._

Oh this was Heaven. It had to be. Nothing had ever felt as good and right as that very moment. Kaoru moaned deep in his throat, pressing himself against Hikaru with all of his strengh, purring when he felt Hikaru's response; his brother's arms tightening around his waist. As he committed what was definetely the most sinful act of his life he could only think one thing.

_This is exactly where I belong._

---

**A/N:**

**Hey! Leaving without reviewing? Tsc tsc.**


	10. Love Together

**A/N:**

Olivia Odyssey: Thanks! I am gld you liked it and that it didn't turn out too angsty! Please read and review again ;-;!

KyoxSakiFan : Torture is over! XD Read and review [and forgive me for the delay ;-;]

ForgottenTales: Updated! Not as soon as expected...well...sorry! Continue to read and review please!

DarkHuntress01: Thanks! I try my best, really do. Happy you like the fic and the writing! Continue to R&R please!

Echoes-of-life : You are a bad bad reader! No donuts for you! XD Kidding, I am a bad writer for taking so long, I am glad the wait was worth it, hope it is worth it again! Continue to read and review please!

OMG YAY: Distraction for the win indeed XD Hope this chapter is of your liking as well. R&R!

Pluie Blanche: Enfim, wow! Essa deve ter sido a maior review que já recebi XD! Thanks! E você teve sorte! Acordei inspirada ontem...er...hoje, sei lá XD e terminei o chappie. Já estava na metade actually, mas não gosto de esrever quando não estou inspirada porque sai péssimo. E sim o vestibular mata! Acabou com minha vida social, meu tempo, minha criatividade hauhusheuhsuae! Mas depois que passa é uma beleza. Enfim, obrigada, que bom que gostou da forma que eu os expresso, estou tendo ser o mais IC que posso e o menos angsty que consigo XD! Continue a ler e comentar por favor!

Ok everyone! Another chapter is officially up, -along with some other things cough cough, read the chapter and find out ;D- so sorry for the delay, ending of the year, family, parties, hangover HAUEHUSHHAUEHSUA. Kidding, just a real busy ending of the year and beginning, I have been searching desperatly for a job and I just -finally- managed to get and interview. Hopefully I'll get this job and more free time.

Please don't give up on me! Read and review!

**---**

**Love Together.**

_He could feel Hikaru's strong hands running up and down his chest, exploring every inch of his skin, he tried to move his own but only managed to wrap his arms around the other's neck, his mouth being consumed along with his mind, his soul. He could not think or worry if he wanted too. There were only two words in his head right now..._

**_Hikaru, _****_yeah..._**

_They parted, needing to breathe and Hikaru took the oportunity to devour his twin's neck, a trail of kisses and bites along the other's neck and collarbone. One of his hand traveled Kaoru's chest, brushing his nipple while he mewled in pleasure. The other hand was busy as well, sliding under his boxers and stroking Kaoru's cock in a slow pace, teasing him._

_"Hikaru...please...hnn..." Kaoru begged him, for what he could not be sure; all he needs is release before the heat in his body burns him. Hikaru looks at him, a devilish look in his eyes, his mouth lowering to suck and bite on Kaoru's nipples, the twin body arching off the bed, mouth opened in long moans. _

_Hikaru's mouth went lower and lower, along with his hands as he removed Kaoru's boxers and kneaded his backside. Kaoru blushed as equal honey eyes met his, a small smirk on his twin's lips. Before he had time to brace himself Hikaru lowered his head and took Kaoru's length in his mouth, the heat engulfing him, surrounding him..._

And he saw pure white as he moaned and weakly opened his eyes.

_Fuck! _

Amber orbs were wide in sock, the eyes travelling between Kaoru's flushed face and the stain on his boxers. Hikaru was sitting up on their bed and by the look on his face he had watched every single one of Kaoru's reactions.

"H-Hikaru, er..."

"I'm...I'm just gonna, gonna..." He paused, eyes looking anywhere but his twin, trying to find an excuse. "take a shower. Yeah. I'll...be right back." A whisper, and then he was gone.

The younger heard the door clicking, locked, and winced. Stupid Kaoru! What a perfect time to have a wet dream! Everything was going so well, they had kissed and held each other, slept in the other's arms...the night had been perfect.

And now it was tense again.

---

Everything came crashing down on Hikaru's mind as he heard his own twin moan his name. **Twin, moan, his name**. How could he be so careless and stupid? They are twins for God's sakes! It doesn't matter how much they...they...

It's _hard_ to even think about it!

Obviously! Since they are not supposed to want each other! They can't, it's just so completely wrong! And yet, none of these things mattered to him yesterday, as he pushed his younger twin against the wall and kissed him senseless.

_"Hikaru...I mean, what was th-" And Hiakru cut him off with his lips, Kaoru immediately closed his eyes and deepened the kiss, moaning. _

_"Let's just...not talk about it ok? Not today." He said, laying down on the bed and pushing Kaoru against him, their legs intertwined. Kaoru sighed happily, nuzzling his neck. _

_"Ok."_

Stupid, stupid, stupid Hikaru! This is what you get for not thinking things through.

Amber eyes closed under the hot water spray, his sleepy mind fully awakening. When he kissed Kaoru he wasn't thinking about anything else, just his brothers arms, lips, scent...just Kaoru.

He tried to erase the small kiss they shared on the Host Club. He did. He spent his entire way home trying, but nothing worked. He just wanted to feel that again, dumbly, he thought that just once would be enough, that it wouldn't matter.

_But it does._ It changes everything.

Because now...now he wants Kaoru. He thought that after yesterday, after feeling what he wanted to feel once, he would be able to forget it and move on. Right now, he had a very hard part of his anatomy telling him what a big mistake he made.

He woke up to a moaning and flushed Kaoru, his brother tossing and turning on the bed, his hips lifting on their own accord and a hard, hard cock straining against the boxers.

At first, Hikaru was shocked - actually he should be disgusted.

But when Kaoru moaned his name, deep and husky, Hikaru forgot all about being disgusted and felt heat pool on his groin. It took all of his self-control not to do something. Not grab his brother and give a sequence to that dream then and there.

But that was not the plan! The plan was to kiss, feel, keep the memory and let this crush – or whatever this is named – go!

What was he going to do now?

_---_

"Don't tell me you had a fight again." Mika said, a grimace on her face, her fingers twirling a strand of her black curly hair. Kaoru whined, his face hidden by the arms resting on his school table. "Sometimes, I am really glad I am an only child."

He snickered, no other brothers must have their problems. But they did. He whined again, sounding more like a dying cat.

"Oh c'mon, don't be like this." Said a redhead, poking his shoulder. He lifted his head. "I'm sure you'll figure it out."

He sighed. "I don't know...he didn't seem angry, just confused. But if he wants to clear things up why is he like this? He's been avoiding me all day!" He looked around the half empty classroom, everyone had gone to the cafeteria for lunch, he just hid here.

"What did you fight about?" Mika asked, looking curious. Kaoru blushed a deep shade of red and pushed the memories to the back of his head.

"I just..." He began trying to find a good exuse for a fight. "Well, we..." But wait...why did they fight? It's not Kaoru's fault that he is young, sexually repressed and happened to have a wet dream! He can't be blamed for that!

"Well...?"

"You know what? I actually don't know why he is avoiding me! It was totally out of my control!" He angryly stated, getting up and ready to find his older brother.

"What was?" Both of the girls asked, looking lost, he just shook his head and muttered a quick 'be right back'. He needs some answers. **Now.**

---

Hikaru sat alone at the cafeteria, his mind drifting.

He was always close to Kaoru, weirdly close. Impossibly close. And now they have crossed the last, forbidden line. He shouldn't have given in, but he did. And now he was screwed.

He nudged his food, not feeling hungry at all. Taking a sip of hie pineapple with mint juice, he winced and sighed, it was sweet and reminded him of the taste of Kaoru's mouth... he banged his head against the table, sulking.

He thought that if he truly kissed Kaoru, he would be disgusted with himself, with his brother. That all of the confusion and the feelings would disappear. Unfortunately, the exact opposite happened.

And now he misses what he can't have.

And now he wants the forbidden fruit.

He wants Kaoru's lips and tongue, Kaoru's caresses and soft looks, the smell of jasmine and vanilla, the peace of an afternoon spent in each other's company, the fire he felt when he pushed Kaoru further into the matress and kissed the life out of him.

He could feel his cheeks heat up from the thought. What to do? What to do?

He sat straight again, only to lean his face against the window, hoping to cool his blush down. He knows what he wants. But he can't help remembering the way Kyoya reacted the other day.

_"What if someone took a picture? What if it gets out that the twins kissed? Do you know what would happen to you if a word of this got out?"_

He was right, he knows that. If any of what they do got out they would become the disgrace of their parent's life, his friends, nothing would ever-

And his thought were cut as a familiar hand grabbed his and yanked him from his hair, pulling him until he was standing and making them march out of the school cafeteria, shocked and curious looks following them.

---

He pushed Hikaru inside and abandoned classroom, as far as possible from the crowded cafeteria. He turned and stared at his twin, who looked furious by the way.

"What the hell Kaoru?!"

"I am supposed to ask that! Why are you avoiding me? _Again!_" He yelled, tears of anger and frustration forming on his eyes. He blinked them away, but not quick enough so Hikaru couldn't see them, the elder twin immediately lost his composure, worry on his features.

"Kaoru, I am sorry, don't cry-" He walked foward, towards his twin, his hand in the air, looking like he was going to wipe the tears away. Kaoru slapped his hand, flushing furiously.

"I am crying because I am angry! What have I done this time?! You were the one who initiated the k-kiss!" He stuttered and mentally slapping himself for the demonstration of weakness. Hikaru's eyes widened then narrowed, his head shaking from side to side several times before he answered.

"I know that. But it didn't turned out as I thought it would!" He yelled back.

"Oh yeah? A wet dream isn't enough for you? Or was it just too much?! Felt disgusted at me and then decided you could just igno-"

Roughly pushed against the wall, Kaoru felt a pair of lips ressing hard against his, he tried to fight it, but how can you fight when the person you love kisses you? He opened his mouth and closed his eyes in bliss, wrapping his arms around Hikaru's shoulders, feeling his twin's tongue twirling with his, teeth nipping his lower lip, feeling Hikaru's-

_**Oh my God!**_

"Is this what you wanted to know? Because _this_" Hikaru pushed his hips against Kaoru's, their erections rubbing together through their pants, a deep moan erupting from the younger twin. "is what I felt when I saw you this morning. But this _isn't what we are supposed to feel._ It's not right...I thought that if I kissed you once it would all go away...but it got worse."

Kaoru opened his eyes and stared at his brother, hearing the anguish in his voice. His hands were closed in fists and grabbed Kaoru by his shirt collar. The younger smiled and softly caressed his brother's cheek. Hikaru closed his eyes, looking pained and desperate.

"I know. But I can't help how I feel, and I couldn't help feeling happy when you kissed me yesterday." He said honestly, watching as Hikaru opened his eyes and stared at him.

"But don't you remember what Kyoya said? If anyone finds out we are dead Kaoru! Imagine what our parents, our friends-" Kaoru cut him off with a small peck on his lips.

"I already did. I know this is new to you, but it isn't to me. I have been harbouring these..._feelings _for you, for a long time now." He decided that feelings was a lighter word than _love. _Better not scare him away. "We'll just have to be really careful about this."

"Kaoru..." Hikaru said, exasperated, shaking his head, losing the grip on his brother's clothes.

"Look, you don't have to say yes. You can say no to me, to this...and I will never bother you again. So...what do you say?" Kaoru quietly asked, feeling his heart almost jumping out of his chest. He wants Hikaru to say yes, but at the same time he knows it's wiser to say no.

---

Hikaru looked at Kaoru. His shirt was still rumpled, along with his hair and well, his pants looked a bit wrinkled. Hikaru blushed.

Kaoru was looking at him gently, a soft smile playing on his swollen red lips. Hikaru had never felt this way before, never wanted someone so much, not even Haruhi.

And he knows that there isn't a person in this world that could possibly be better than his twin, that can know him better, understand him better. He sighed, still...this is dangerous.

"Hikaru, you don't have to answer now, you can think about it and answer later. Take as long as you need...I'll wait for you. _I always have." _He whispered, widening his smile, cocking his head to the side so Hikaru would look at him.

And at that exact moment he knew that there is nothing else he wants. No one else he wants.

'_I always have.' _

There is no doubt, no questions. No one would ever be to him, what Kaoru is. No one can ever replace his twin, no one can ever love him like Kaoru does.

_Love?_

Love. Suddenly everything clicked into place. Hikaru's breath got caught n his throat. The weird looks, the sad smiles, the way Kaoru avoided him so he would be happy with Haruhi, how he looked so absolutely heartbroken when they fought, the eagerness of their kisses, the tingling he felt by Kaoru's soft caresses.

They love each other.

But not a brother-like love.

_Love._

Walking forward with determination he encircled his brother's waist with one arm, pressing Kaoru firmly to him, his other hand on the younger's face, watching as the skin under his fingers blushed heavily, rapid puffs of air hitting his wrist, wide eyes staring into his own.

"I had enough time, I don't need it anymore. I know my answer. _Yes_."

He said and didn't waste a moment to put his lips over Kaoru's slightly parted ones, kissing him tenderly and slowly, different from all the other kisses. He felt the other's arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer, their bodies touching, rubbing, moving with each other.

He pressed Kaoru harder against the wall, lifting him up slightly from the floor and deepening the kiss, a pleased moan escaping Kaoru's throat, eagerly swallowed by Hikaru's mouth.

A pair of legs wrapped aroung Hikaru's middle, their hips moving against each other, creating delicious friction. They were panting, the kiss taking on desperate proportions, their noses hitting, mouths parting briefly for breath only to meet the other's lips again. Hikaru let go of his twin's lips only to latch his teeth on a very sensitive patch of skin. Kaoru's neck.

_Ah...heaven_. He had been wanting to taste, lick and bit Kaoru's neck for such a _long time._

"_Hikaru..." _Kaoru moaned huskily, just like he had done that morning. Hikaru felt his control slipping. He ground his hips _hard _against his brother's , feeling their erections collide with more force than before, seeing his younger brother throw his head back and moan loudly. "_Yes! Hikaru...more..."_

And he gave more, he got more. They kissed again, swallowing each other's moans, groans and whimpers, filling the silent classroom with heavy pants and the wrustle of clothes.

Kaoru broke their kiss, licking his bruised lips with a dazed expression on his face, he nipped Hikaru's lower lip and opened his eyes, staring deeply into matching orbs. "_I love you." _He whispered tenderly, his breath on Hikaru's lips.

And that was it. Hikaru closed his eyes and thrust his hips hard against Kaoru's. He had never come so good before, it was like waves, one harder and more pleasurable then the other, his entire body shook and it took and enormous effort not to fall.

But Kaoru was there, holding him tight with his arms and legs, trembling with him, biting his lower lip so his loudest moan wouldn't escape his lips. Every single part of their body was glued to the other.

They shook, trembled, came together...they _loved together._

"Kaoru?" Hikaru asked, his voice low and hoarse. Kaoru opened his eyes lazily, smiling at his brother.

"Yeah?"

Hikaru stared into his twin's eyes, kissing him quickly, chuckling when Kaoru bit his lower lip so they wouldn't part from each other. He finally managed to break free, leaning on Kaoru, their foreheads touching. He pulled one of Kaoru's arms from his shoulders, grabbing his hand and intertwining his fingers. He opened his mouth and breathelessly said, as the emotions ran free deep inside him.

"_I love you too." _


End file.
